The past is the past
by Iluvbeyblade
Summary: Eight years after Grevolution, Ray is happily married to Mariah, with two daughters. The last thing he expects is for Kai to turn up on his doorstep, nor the impact he will have on the family.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I'm writing this fic purely to indulge my love of lemon, angst and Kai-torturing. It's turning out better than I'd expected, which I'm pretty pleased about, so I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

"_Dad-dy_!" five year-old Rosa whined, running into the kitchen and stamping her bare foot on the slippery linoleum. "I want a _sweet_!" 

"No sweets before bedtime, kitty." Ray said distractedly from the lounge.

"Sweets?" A hopeful face popped round the door, flicking her black hair out of her amber eyes with seven year-old sophistication.

"That means you as well, Lynnie." The two girls scowled at him, then turned their backs and started whispering mutinously to each other. Ray sighed good-naturedly and trailed his fingers lightly up Mariah's bare arm. "Why is it always _me_?" he complained, imitating their daughter's whiny tones.

"Because you're just _such_ a pushover, tiger." Mariah teased, tracing the outline of his mouth with a long nail. Ray let his mouth slide open and gently bit her finger, his eyes dancing.

"Now now, Mariah, no antics until after nine o'clock, remember?" he whispered.

"Hey, I'm hormonal. Take pity on me." Ray grinned and disengaged himself from her arms and the comfort of the sofa.

"You know that doesn't get anything from me. I still remember the first time you had a period." He chuckled. "If you'd screamed much louder they'd have heard you in London." Suddenly, the doorbell rang loudly. Twin screeches of _"I'm getting it!"_ rang out from the hyped-up girls, the sound of racing feet echoing through the house.

"No, _I'm_ getting it!" Ray shouted. The pounding feet descended the staircase rapidly, paying him no attention at all. "If you two touch that door you won't get to see Driger for a month!" Ray threatened. One set of footsteps stopped.

"Or Galux!" Mariah called. The second set stopped. "Now, come upstairs and we'll watch a video while Daddy talks to whoever's out there, okay?"

"Okay!"

"Video! Yay!" Mariah gave Ray a wry smile and got up, kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Cartoons work every time. Thank God for TV." she whispered. Ray chuckled and nodded, walking towards the front door. He turned round, one hand on the doorknob and smiled at Mariah, who was leading their daughters upstairs, Rosa clinging possessively to her leg. Still smiling, he opened the door. The smile slipped off his face, to be replaced by a look of utter shock. How many years was it now? Eight? Nine?

"Hello, Ray." the person standing on the doorstep said calmly. "Good to see you again." Ray blinked, finally finding his voice.

* * *

"Kai, what the hell are you doing here?" he hissed, casting a quick glance upstairs. Kai smirked briefly. Most of his face was in shadow; Ray could only just see his features. 

"As I said, good to see you too. Would it be okay if I stayed for a bit? I haven't particularly got anywhere at the moment." Ray blinked again, trying to get his frozen brain working. While he was still scrabbling around trying to find a few un-paralysed brain cells, Mariah came down the stairs behind him.

"Ray, who's tha-" Ray winced as Mariah literally flung herself down the stairs to land in front of him, her eyes blazing. "Get out of my house, you twisted, schizophrenic bastard!" A faint light seemed to die in Kai's eyes.

"Time didn't do a very good job on you, did it, Mariah?" he said quietly. Ray watched uneasily as Mariah glowered at his old friend.

"Get out of my house." she snarled again. Kai shrugged, his face expressionless.

"I can take a hint, you know." He gave a Ray a disappointed look. Ray returned it blankly, his brain still frozen with shock. "Never though I'd see you hen-pecked, Ray." Mariah made an impatient movement with her head. "All right, all right, I'm gone." He turned around and started to make his way down the driveway. Mariah made to slam the door shut, but Ray pushed past her and hurried outside, his brain finally clicking into gear.

Kai was leaning heavily against the shoulder-height wall that surrounded their house, rough, barking coughs coming from his mouth. As Ray watched, he fell to his knees, still coughing violently. Ray swore softly and went quickly to him. Kai half-opened one eye and gave him a weak grin.

"You always were a softie, Ray." His voice was harsh and strained.

"Shut up." Ray ordered. Surprisingly, Kai obeyed, closing his eyes for a brief second. Ray looked at him.

Close up, he could see that Kai's face was tight and strained, the dark shadows that he had noticed merely empathising the overall look of ill health. He was thin to the point of being gaunt, but had clearly tried to hide it by wearing a baggy grey jumper with the collar turned up and equally baggy ripped denim jeans. Something told Ray that the rips weren't for fashion. His sunken cheeks were unnaturally flushed and the ferocious coughing fit shook his emaciated frame. Ray reached out and laid one hand lightly on Kai's forehead. It was warm, not fever-hot, but not healthily cool, either. Kai swatted his hand away impatiently.

"I'm fine. Just got over the flu, that's all," he muttered hoarsely.

"Sounds like it went to your chest. You should get that seen to." Ray advised. Kai snorted.

"Yeah, right." he said scornfully. He closed his eyes again and took a few deep, slow breaths, clearly fighting down another coughing fit. Mind made up, Ray took hold of Kai's ice-cold arm and helped him to his feet. Kai looked at him questioningly.

"You can stay." Ray said firmly. Kai's eyes flashed surprise and relief.

"Thank you. What about Mariah?" Ray gave him a sly look.

"Despite what you just saw, when push comes to shove, _I_ rule supreme around here." Kai chuckled hoarsely.

"Oh, I can't _wait_." he muttered. Ray turned around and caught Mariah's furious eye. She came outside, shutting the door quietly behind her.

"Are you _mad_?" she hissed angrily. "I am _not_ having him in the same house as our daughters, no, fuck that, the same _street_! I can't believe that you would even _consider_ it!" Flinging her hands up in the air, she switched to Chinese, ranting on for a good five minutes. Ray stood still, waiting her out. When she finally subsided, panting, her eyes blazing bright amber, he took a step forwards, putting himself instantly in the power position as he put his seven-inch height advantage to good use.

"Kai is staying here." he said pleasantly. He met her heated gaze coolly and held it with ease, waiting for her to drop her eyes. Eventually, she did so, bowing her head submissively.

"Yes, Ray. _But_-" She raised a warning finger as Ray stepped forwards. "He sleeps in the spare bedroom, and he can't talk to either of the girls without one of us in the room with him." She looked Kai up and down scornfully. "Also, he comes out looking better than he did when he went in." she finished finally. Ray gave her a grateful smile, knowing that that was the closest she could get to a compromise.

"Is that okay with you, Kai?" he asked. Kai nodded.

"Better than I'd expected." He chuckled again, a slight cough escaping his lips. Mariah had the grace to blush slightly.

"So? Are you coming in or what?" she snapped, walking in before either of them could say anything. Ray started walking, but stopped, waiting for Kai. His old friend was standing still, eyes closed, suppressing another spasm of coughing. Just as Ray was about to go to him, Kai's eyes opened again and he walked in, showing no sign of his previous breathing difficulties.

Kai stepped through the door and swayed as the sudden, unaccustomed heat hit him in the face. He began to shiver, realising how cold it had been outside. He'd gotten used to it. He felt a hand on his shoulder, steadying him.

"You okay, Kai?" Ray asked him. He nodded shortly.

"Haven't been inside for a while." he explained quietly. Speaking at any kind of volume aggravated his cough. It hadn't been this bad for a while. It flared up like this from time to time, had done for years now. If he thought about it, it was probably some kind of low-level bronchitis, made slightly worse by his recent, violent, brush with influenza. He brought himself quickly back to the present and followed Ray further into the house. He disregarded his surroundings for now, concentrating on examining Ray.

Ray's long black hair was almost exactly the same length as he remembered, but tied back with a simple red band. He was wearing a long red robe with black slipper-like shoes. On the front of the robe were a number of embroidered Chinese characters. Kai racked his sketchy knowledge of Chinese writing and slowly figured them out.

_C…B…A_

Strange. He made a mental note to ask Ray later.

Ray's facial features had changed very little, becoming if possible, even more striking. His amber eyes had darkened slightly to the colour of honey, his skin even more tanned. He was slim, yet muscular, the robe, pulled in around the waist by a thin strip of black cloth, accentuated his impressive musculature. Kai stopped a particular train of though dead in its tracks, disgusted with himself. As they ascended the stairs, they passed Mariah, standing in the doorway of what looked like the children's bedroom, the "girls", going from the blinding pink on the walls. Kai swept her with a quick look as they passed her.

She had certainly grown up. Her chest was impressive, empathised by the low-cut dress she was wearing. The deep purple, nearly black material showed off her golden skin tone to perfection. Her eyes still blazed bright amber and her pink hair was cut to a soft, curling bob, waving attractively around her oval, delicately featured face. He nearly walked into Ray as the younger man stood still. With an amused grin, Ray opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning Kai to follow.

* * *

The first thing that Kai noticed was that this room was nowhere near as luxurious as the rest of the house. A plain cream carpet covered the floor, white wallpaper on the walls, a single bed and chest of drawers in the middle of the room. At the far left was a light-coloured pine wardrobe. A small armchair sat off to the right, its two cushions placed with mathematical accuracy. Ray shuffled uncomfortably. 

"I know it's pretty poor," he apologised. "But I have to keep Mariah happy in _some_ ways…" Kai shrugged off the fumbling apology.

"Forget it." he said, walking over to the bed and sitting down on it. "If you saw what I've been making do with…" He trailed off, laughing humourlessly. "This is paradise compared to _that_." Suddenly, a whine came from the girl's bedroom.

"Mummy, I wanna see the man Daddy brought in!" a child's petulant voice complained. Kai felt the beginnings of another coughing fit tightening his chest.

"Well you can't, sweetie!" Mariah said impatiently. "The man is…" She trailed off, scrabbling for an excuse. Kai took a couple of deep breaths, his throat closing up.

"Ray." Ray looked at him questioningly. "Mariah could use - this as an - excuse, if she wa - wanted to." He leaned forwards and started coughing again, shutting his eyes as the choking gasps shook his body. With an effort, he regained control of his breathing. Over his panting, he faintly heard Mariah latch onto the idea with a degree of relief.

"You can't see the man because he's not very well at the moment." Apparently satisfied, the whining stopped. Kai ran a hand through his hair, wincing as he touched three bruises and ripped a tangle.

"Never thought I'd see you with kids, Ray." he commented. Ray grinned.

"Yeah. I didn't think I would, either!" He shook his head. "Ah well, that's what I get for not taking the proper precautions…"

"How old are they?"

"Lynette's seven and Rosa's five."

"Lynette and Rosa. Hardly Chinese names."

"Are Mariah and Ray?" Kai shook his head, smiling slightly.

"Don't let me keep you." he said abruptly. "If you've got something else," He raised his eyebrows slightly. "to attend to, feel free to go." Ray gave him a dry smile.

"Mariah can wait. Have you spoken to any of the others yet?" Kai shook his head.

"Not personally, but Kenny somehow managed to get my email address, so he's been telling me about everything that's happening."

"And?" Kai blinked, surprised. He would have thought that Ray would've kept in contact with them. Apparently not…

"Well, Tyson and Hilary are married," He let Ray absorb that startling fact. "and Max has finally worked out what side of the fence he's on. Good for Mariam, bad for poor old Raul." Ray laughed.

"Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that mess. At least Max knows what he's doing now. He should've just become bi. Best of both worlds." Kai nodded in agreement.

"You know Max, though. Everything's black or white, no grey areas allowed."

"So," Ray said enquiringly. "What've you been doing for the past, what is it now, eight years?"

"This and that." was Kai's cursory reply. He fixed his gaze on a crack on the wall, willing Ray to leave it at that.

"Do you still beyblade?" Kai felt an all-too-familiar headache start pounding at his temples.

"No." he said tersely. "Nor am I ever likely to again." He would have smirked at Ray's shocked gasp, but his head was throbbing, images that he would rather forget were flashing through his mind… He couldn't deal with b…bey…that word yet. Not when he was still run-down and tired from the recent flu virus. Not yet…just…not yet. He realised that he had turned to face the wall, both fists clenched. He forced himself to speak.

"I'm sorry, Ray."

"It's okay, mate." Ray clapped him lightly on the shoulder, and stood up. "Shall I go now?"

"What, Mariah's _that_ good?" He turned around. Ray was watching him, one eyebrow raised, waiting for a proper answer. Kai lay down on his stomach, resting his head on his folded arms.

"Yes." he said softly. "Please." As the door clicked shut, he began to shake violently, burying his head in the pillow to muffle his sobs, stifled coughs racking his body.

_Dranzer…oh Dranzer, I need you now…_

* * *

Ray walked into the lounge and sat down on the sofa. Mariah came over and snuggled up next to him. 

"Kai settled in?" she asked. Ray sighed softly. "Ray? Talk to me!"

"I asked him whether he still bladed." He grimaced as Mariah gave him an annoyed flick on the arm. "He went…quiet afterwards, then asked me to leave." He didn't want to tell Mariah about the dark, haunted look that there had been on his old team mate's face.

"Well, I'm not surprised." Mariah said acidly. "Considering what he's like for facing up to things…" She stopped, realising that Ray didn't particularly like this line of conversation. "Sorry, tiger. You know what I think about Kai."

"I do." Worried at Ray's abrupt tone, Mariah wriggled onto his lap and kissed him gently. He responded eagerly, pressing her closer. She shivered with delight as he slipped a hand inside her flimsy dress, toying with her bra straps. "I like your dress." he said in a husky voice, which made her want to rip it off. She kissed him again, harder, feeling her bra straps slide down, Ray tossing the lacy undergarment aside.

* * *

Yay, that's the first chapter up! Well? What did you think? 


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the next chapter!

* * *

Ray leafed absentmindedly through the paper, crunching his marmalade-covered toast. It was eight o'clock and the family was eating breakfast. Kai still hadn't surfaced, and Ray, although he hid it well, was starting to get worried.

"Lynnie?" His oldest daughter looked up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Yes, Daddy?"

"Could you go and get my visitor up for me? He's in the spare room." A flash of confusion crossed the seven year-old's face. Ray knew what she was thinking and cringed inwardly. Guests slept in the guest room, not the spare room. No one ever slept in there, not when there were so many other luxurious rooms to use. The little girl shrugged, dismissing it, and got up.

"Okay. Is he going to eat breakfast?" she asked.

"I don't know, darling. Ask him." Whistling happily to herself, Lynette left the room, to Rosa's wails of:

"_I want to see the man_!"

"You can see him once he's up." Ray reassured,hugged the sulking child to him.

* * *

"Hey, mister, Daddy says you should be up by now!" Kai swore softly and looked around for the piercing voice that had roused him from his doze. Rubbing his eyes, he blinked a few times, finally succeeding in clearing his vision enough to see the child standing in the doorway. Wait, was that a child, or Ray? Nope, had to be a child, Ray was about three times that height. That was _much_ more than your ordinary family resemblance, though. "C'mon, hurry up!"

"What's your name?" he asked thickly.

"I'm Lynnette. Who're you?" Kai smiled despite himself at the challenging tone.

"My name's Kai. Has anyone ever told you look like your dad?" Lynette's face broke into a grin and she bounded over to the bed. Kai blinked again as the little girl's face that was still unsettlingly like Ray's, even at this distance, appeared next to him.

"Yeah, all the time." she said proudly. "Dad's cool!" Kai smiled again.

"I'll agree with that." Lynette took hold of his arm and started tugging.

"C'mon! Up!" she ordered. Kai gently pulled his arm from her grip.

"All right, all right, I'm up!" He yawned and pulled the covers off. Almost instantly, he remembered and wished that he hadn't. Casting a quick look at the little girl, he saw her eyes widen with shock, then narrow with suspicion. He swore silently. He might've got away with it with Rosa, but Lynette was old enough to know when something was out of the ordinary. And this certainly was.

Ray walked towards the spare bedroom, Mariah's outraged shrieks echoing in his ears. _You left our daughter with **him**? _Blah, blah, blah…like he cared… He pushed the door open silently and stared in something close to horror. Kai was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in nothing but boxer shorts, locked in what looked like a mental battle with Lynette and losing, his eyes wide and apprehensive

His upper body was pitifully thin, and covered in mutilations. His wrists were criss-crossed with scars. Over where one rib should be, there was a long, jagged hole, the scar tissue purple where it hadn't fully healed. The horrendous sight that both pairs of amber eyes were drawn to was higher up, however. Ray swallowed convulsively at the sickening sight, realising why Kai had chosen to wear a jumper last night.

Half his throat was gone, the delicate larynx protected by the thinnest layer of skin Ray had ever seen. As Kai swallowed, the whole gristly entity moved up and down. Slowly, breaking the eye contact between him and Lynette, Kai raised a hand and cupped it round his damaged neck, protecting the ravaged tissue from Ray's gaze. He stared at the ground, a faint flush spreading rapidly across his pale face. Lynette took a trembling step towards him. Part of Ray wanted to call Lynette to him, protect her from the horrors she had just seen, but the other, larger part told him to trust Kai.

_All right, Kai. I trust you. But screw this up and I'll rip you in two._

Kai watched numbly as the little girl approached him. Carefully, her face screwed up in concentration, she reached out and placed the tip of her index finger in the dip where Kai's rib had once been. Her finger trailed across Kai's damaged body, investigating the old wounds with childish perfectionism. All the time, her gaze never left Kai's face. Gradually, guiltily, Kai raised his head until their gazes met again. Lynette took a step backwards, frowning in perplexion.

"You're not well?" she inquired, seeking the only rational explanation she knew for the sight before her. Kai hesitated, wondering what to say, knowing that he could never explain fully, not to such a young child.

"I've…been better." he said finally, his voice barely audible. Nodding her head in acceptance, the seven year-old stepped forwards again and wrapped her arms around Kai's chest, hugging tightly.

"Poor Kai." she murmured softly. Kai let her hug him for a few minutes, fighting the urge to hug her back, not wanting to give Mariah any more ammunition than she would already have. He put his arms around the frail little body for a few seconds, then gently pushed her away.

"Don't you have school or something like that?" he asked, forcing a faint smile onto his lips. He laughed inwardly as Lynette's face went into the universal "Oh my god, I forgot…" expression. "Off you go, then." He swore silently, feeling the familiar tightness in his chest yet again. Lynette gave him one last look, then ran downstairs. Kai watched as Ray caught her round her waist and whispered something into her ears, probably something along the lines of "Don't tell Mummy." He didn't see if Lynette replied, because he was doubled over as hacking, retching coughs forced their way along his throat. Suppressing the urge to throw up, he clapped a hand over his mouth and straightened up, taking deep breaths through his nose. When he opened his eyes again, he met Ray's probing gaze.

"Tell me, Kai." His voice was fierce, shaking slightly. Kai looked his old team mate and one-time best friend square in the eye.

"Why? Mariah doesn't want me in the house because I'm gay, and she's hated me since I stole Galux from her. Knowing everything would just get me out on the streets in about three seconds flat." His voice was hoarse and rasping. "Why do you want to know now?" Ray started to talk, but Kai silenced him with a glare. "Why not two, three years ago? How about four or five? It's been eight years, Ray. _Eight_." Now it was Ray's turn to flush.

"Please, Kai. Tell me." he persisted. Kai sighed and lay back down, rolling over to the wall.

"Tell you what?" Ray got up and left the room, coming back in with a sheet from an English newspaper. He held it out to Kai, who sat up and took it reluctantly, already knowing what he would see. He turned it over.

* * *

The headline screamed at him, large, bold type:

**A FALLEN PHOENIX!**

Unwillingly, Kai began to read the lengthy article. Ray's eyes were on him, hard and pleading at the same time.

**Everyone's always known that there was something slightly askew with ex-Bladebreaker and Blitzkrieg Boy, Kai Hitwarti, but no one really knew, not either set of former team mates, just how fragile this young man was. **

**After G-Revolution, consisting of the Bladebreakers and the spunky red-head, Daichi, beat the Justice 5 team, sending the now-imprisoned Boris down where he belonged, no one seemed to know what the team was going to do, themselves included. Sure, they were back together, but they had discovered new loyalties to other teams, and didn't know where those loyalties now lay. There was no doubt, though, that these six boys, although some think that Kenny and Daichi should be excluded from this, were the greatest beybladers ever seen. They trusted friendship and loyalty over brute power, and it was rare for an opponent to come out of the stadium after a battle and not know that he had played his best, and seen it far exceeded.**

**The last time that the team were all in the spotlight together, three-time World Champion Tyson Granger challenged his greatest rival to a match, which apparently they had arranged as Kai left the stadium after his battle with Brooklyn. The battle which some say he won at too great a cost. **

**The match ended in a draw, and soon afterwards, Kai left, with no word of explanation or apology. That was the fourth time that Kai had done something like this, including the fiasco with Black Dranzer back before the Bladebreakers became World Champions. The team greeted his disappearance with emotions ranging from stoic silence (Ray Kon) to furious ranting (Tyson Granger). Months went by, Kai didn't return. G-Revolution broke up soon afterwards, the members each going their own way. No one had heard anything of Kai Hitwarti, and nobody would have if it hadn't been for an astonishing coincidence.**

**The Daily Mail had just finished interviewing a police officer about a recent outbreak of rapes when the alarm went off, summoning every police officer within hearing to "18 Harvest Street", which was a shack on the very edge of that notorious street, infamous for its population of both male and female street workers, subject to a hundred and fifteen drug raids the year before. Drawn by the prospect of an exclusive scoop, we hurried after the police cars. On the way, we saw an ambulance following the same route. The words emblazoned on it were ones guaranteed to send a shiver up any self-respecting reporter's spine.**

**_"West Side Mental Institution"_**

**We finally arrived at number 18, and watched as the police spread out, eyes watchful, hands deep in their pockets. The sound of clashing metal on metal came from the old wooden shack, and we all tensed, expecting a knife-wielding maniac to come running out at any given second. With grim expressions on their faces, looking as though they knew something that we didn't, the staff from West Side entered the building. The clashing stopped. Everyone strained their ears, struggling to hear what was being said. The gentle voices of the West Side people were interrupted before we could make sense of any of it by a hoarse, rasping voice.**

**"No! Let me _go_!" The sound of a scuffle echoed in the close, confined shack. A man stuck his head round the door and yelled for help. The remaining ambulance/mental staff ran inside, bearing a large amount of medical equipment.**

**Moments later, they came out again. They were crowded so tightly round the young man that no one could see anything of him. But no one in their right minds couldn't recognise the beyblade that was spinning along beside them.**

* * *

Kai tossed the article aside and lay back on the bed, closing his eyes briefly, fighting back a tide of dark memories.

"Kai?" Ray's uncertain voice brought him back to the present.

"What?" He didn't open his eyes.

"Why were you put in there? What was wrong with you?" Kai shuddered. He hated that phrase. It made him feel as though it was his fault that he'd ended up in a mental institution, something that the psychologists had spent nearly three years drumming out of him. "Kai?" He sighed again, dredging up what he could remember.

"I eventually got diagnosed as a paranoid OC with PTS disorder and anorexia and bulimia nervosa." he said tonelessly. "After a few misdiagnoses."

"With less capital letters?" Ray asked hopefully.

"A paranoid obsessive-compulsive with post traumatic stress disorder. You know the rest." Ray pulled a confused face.

"Anorexia _and _bulimia? How is that even possible?"

"Easy. You starve yourself, then give up and binge-eat, throw it all up again, then don't eat for another couple of weeks or so." Kai saif flippantly.

"Is that why you're so…so… I dunno…thin?"

"I'll have you know I've put on nearly five years stone in the past few years!" Kai made an effort to sound indignant. Ray fell silent again, and when Kai looked at him, he knew that the time for making light of it was over.

"Why?" Kai closed his eyes. When he next spoke, his voice was flat and emotionless.

"That first time that Brooklyn defeated me, it destroyed me. For the next month, I wandered around in a fog of shame and disgust. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep unless I had to. What started off as simple self-blame, hide-away-in-disgust-from-the-world and so on, eventually morphed into something much nastier, much more damaging. I thought that I had all my memories back from the Abbey, but it soon became obvious that I hadn't. I started to remember truly disturbing things about what had happened to me back then. I remembered being raped, being beaten to within an inch of my life, training until I collapsed unconscious on the floor.

"Thankfully, just as I began to remember properly, I saw Max's battle on TV and snapped myself out of it. Up until then, I had watched the battles without seeing, but I think that I was subconsciously looking for a way out of the hole I had dug myself into. So I fought Brooklyn again, needing to prove myself as the powerful beyblader I knew myself to be, and nearly killed myself in the process." He paused, running his hand through his tangled hair. "I always said afterwards that the only two people who could ever understand what it was like, to risk everything, to go through that amount of pain based on a battle between two bits of spinning metal, were Tyson and you. Max understands the theory maybe better than I do, the reasons _why_ we did it, but he's never had to fight for his life like we have."

"If you want to get picky, Tyson doesn't really understand either." Ray said softly. "The whole world was behind him in that match. I've never seen him so confident, so powerful. He was in complete control of that match, no matter what anyone says." Kai nodded once, hoping to be forgotten about. "Carry on." No such luck.

"After Tyson's match with Brooklyn, I lost my distraction against the new, more sinister memories. Up until then, they had featured only shadowy figures, silhouettes. Now, they gained faces, and I found out that the man who I had joined up with in a pathetic attempt to conserve my self-esteem had been my main torturer all those years ago. That fucked me up _really_ well. Every time I remembered, I would get hopelessly guilty over what I had given up. My friends, my team. I had forsaken them for a psychopathic rapist. Sick with guilt, I would constantly invite the memories back, reminding me of what I was, what I had done. It got to the point where I hated the very thought of what had happened, just thinking about it made me physically sick, but I could no longer stop them from coming. All I saw were the pictures. Playing over them like a soundtrack, was the knowledge that my grandfather had given me. The desire to be the best, no matter what the cost. I discovered that beyblading was the only way that I could keep the recollections at bay. Remembering my grandfather's lessons, I started something that I can't even call training, because it was far more brutal, more punishing then anything I had ever done before, even in the Abbey.

"I became utterly obsessed with using every drop of Dranzer's power to the maximum. I beybladed day and night, moving country, going for a seedy place where no one would look twice at you if you looked slightly strange, only stopping for brief periods until the terrible images forced me back to the dish. I started…dieting, no, that's wrong…not eating, convinced that I needed to lose weight. Every now and then, some inner part of me would make me eat again, but I would just throw it up afterwards. Sometimes I had barely swallowed the food before it came straight back up again. Soon, I didn't even need to make myself throw up, just the thought of what the food was doing to my fictional "weight" was enough to make me vomit. I was also drinking heavily to try and help blur the memories. On average, I was going through about two or three bottles of vodka a day. By the time that anyone noticed my state and was sober enough to care, I was almost beyond help. The memories were flashing before my eyes on an unstoppable cycle, bringing fresh waves of guilt and remorse with each replay. My launcher never left my hand. Dranzer was worn down from the constant grind against the hard stone dip that I was using as a dish, having broken the other one with over-use.

"My hands were a complete mess because I refused to wear gloves. The palms were bleeding non-stop as I constantly tore open old blisters and made new ones, the flesh torn to ribbons because I wouldn't let Dranzer decrease its speed before slamming into my hand. The gaping wounds were infected and oozing pus, the remaining skin blotching with the onset of gangrene. I weighed a skeletal six stone and was launching Dranzer from the floor because if I stood up for too long, I passed out. I had become convinced that the people in my memories, mainly Boris and my grandfather, were after me, and jumped out of my skin at every change in the light. If one of the hookers walking past hadn't stepped inside for a break from the rain, I'd be dead by now."

Ray swallowed, a vicious, hollow feeling spreading through his body as he realised what Kai had been going through.

"Kai…I'm so sorry…" he whispered knowing that no amount of apologising could ever make up for the ordeal that Kai had suffered.

"It's fine. It wasn't your fault." Kai answered shortly. He forced a faint smile. "Did you know they still use straightjackets if you're considered a SR?"

"SR?"

"Suicide Risk. I did that," He pointed to the hole in his chest. "And…that," He ran his fingers lightly over his ruined throat. "while I was inside. Straightjackets aren't particularly nice, nor can you get out of them with a magic trick." Ray took a deep breath, knowing that what he was about to say might tip Kai over the edge of his self-control.

"Have you still got Dranzer?" Just as he had feared, Kai turned away and shook his head stiffly, his shoulders trembling.

"They said that she was a…a…trigger to the memories…I tried to tell them that she wasn't, but you can't argue with a shrink. They just label you as "argumentative, possibly violent" and shove you in solitary confinement for a month or two." Slowly, he lay down on the bed, curling into a tight ball, soft whimpers coming from him. Ray stood up.

"I'll see you later, Kai." he whispered, leaving the room silently.

* * *

Well? Opinions? I especially would like opinions on Kai's little re-telling of what happened to him. I thought it was good when I wrote it, but...I don't know...what do you all think? If anybody has any ideas about how they think this story should progress, please tell me them in your review, because I'm running out of them! 


	3. Chapter 3

This is the quickest I have ever written a chapter, so I apologise if there are any mistakes, or if it seems rushed. Thank you so much to **chi no hana, kay1fire, Jashomara, Frostt, though i choose death instead of pointless pain **and**Kashila** for reviewing this story, you lot are the best! If I've misspelled anyone's name or missed anyone out,please tell me.Because I got asked this in one of my reviews, they're all in their twenties. Ray's 24, Kai's 25 and Mariah's 23. In case I bring them in later on, Tyson and Hilary are 23, Max is 22 and Kenny's 21.

Read and enjoy!

* * *

Lynette crept up the stairs, her head turning continuously from right to left as she reassured herself that Mummy wasn't around. Daddy was at work still, but Mummy was just downstairs with Rosie, so she had to be really quiet...

She was a perceptive child, and had worked out very quickly that mummy didn't like the nice Kai-man. She couldn't work out why, though. Of course, he had all those funny cuts all over him and a yucky neck, but he wasn't well! It was a good reason!

"Stupid Mummy..." she whispered and instantly felt guilty. "Sorry!" she whispered, turning her head towards where she thought her mother was downstairs. Her seven year-old conscience appeased, she padded silently towards the spare room and peeked round the door. And that was another weird thing. No one _ever_ slept in the spare room! So why was he in there? Shrugging, she pushed open the door and walked up to the bed.

"Kai? Are you awake?" she inquired softly, poking him gently in the back with her index finger.

* * *

"Kai? Are you awake?" A soft, childish voice pushed its way into the haze of memories filling Kai's head, a small finger poking at his back. Groaning softly at the pounding in his head, he rolled over onto his back and turned his head towards the source of the voice. Ray? No, not Ray...Searching his tired mind, he pulled up the identity of the little girl standing in front of him. Lynette...yes, that was it. "Yay, you're awake!" she exclaimed, jumping up and down on the spot in happiness. He mumbled an affirmative and tried to smile at her.

"'s time?" Lynette looked at her watch.

"It's half past three." she announced. Kai's eyes widened in shock.

"Shhhhhh-ugar..." he finished eventually, just remembering in time that Lynette was in the room. He'd been dozing on and off, plagued by nightmares, for _how_ long? "What time did you wake me up this morning?" He coughed slightly, forcing the attack that wanted to come back down inside him.

"Um...about eight o'clock, I think..." Lynette frowned for a second, then nodded in contentment. "Yep, that's right."

_Holy fuck...I've been out of it for nearly eight hours...I haven't been that bad for years... _"Thanks, Lynette." he said distractedly.

"No problem." the little girl replied promptly. Placing a hand lightly on his painful head, Kai tried to sit up. Halfway up, he lay back down again in a hurry, his stomach suddenly churning. _When did I last eat? A while ago, that's for sure...shit, I can't afford to get back into bad habits again...least I'm not gonna throw up_. "Are you okay?" Lynette's worried face hovered above him. He nodded and sat up, giving the child a small smile. His head swam with the sudden change of altitude and gave an extra painful throb, but it soon faded. Taking a deep breath, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up a little unsteadily.

"Where's the shower?" he questioned.

"Oh, that's over here...Come on!" With a half-amused, half-irritated sigh, he followed the energetic girl out of the room and into the corridor. She pointed at a door. "There." He nodded and headed back to "his" room to get a change of clothes.

A few minutes later, he stepped into the shower and turned it on. He had a feeling that Mariah would deliberately turn on a tap downstairs, just for the pleasure she would get out of hearing him cry out in surprise. She'd have to wait a while, then. The last time he had cried out had been when they had taken Dra - no, don't think about that... Pulling himself from the quicksand of his thoughts, he adjusted to showerhead to a better angle and grabbed his toilet bag. It contained an old, bristly toothbrush, a half-empty deodorant, a threadbare flannel, a bottle of shower gel and a bottle of shampoo. Pulling out the shampoo, he squeezed a small amount into one hand and rubbed the cold red goo into his hair, watching as white, soapy bubbles slid down his arms. He had once been quite impressively muscled, but his foolish self-imposed starvation had wasted them away to mere sinew. Cupping a protective hand over his damaged neck, he ducked his head under the jets of water and rinsed the remaining shampoo out, watching as the white foam swirled round the plughole.

Next, he took out the flannel and held it under the water for a few seconds, then dabbed it gently at his throat. The force of the shower would tear the fragile layer of skin, and he didn't want yet another trip to hospital. He'd had enough of them to last him a lifetime.

"Kai, hurry up in there!" Mariah yelled from downstairs. "We don't pay the water bill to have it wasted on the likes of you!" He chuckled wryly. Yeah, Mariah hated his guts. Always had done, probably always would do. He had been a fool to think that time could mellow her. Nevertheless, he obediently turned the shower off and stepped out, wrapping himself in a towel that conveniently caught his eye and drying himself quickly.

* * *

He came downstairs, stopping halfway down to cough for a full ten seconds without ceasing, and looked with interest around the house. It was...spacious would be an understatement, and decorated nicely, too. He nodded in satisfaction. So often, money meant a chance for people to fill their house with garish, tasteless decorations.

"You didn't need to advertise that you were coming down the stairs quite that loudly." Mariah said acidly, stalking up to him, referring to his bout of coughing halfway down. Kai ignored her and continued his contemplation of his surroundings.

"Nice place. Who did the decorating?" he asked offhandedly. "Ray? You?"

"I did most of it, and a friend of mine who's an interior designer did the rest. Ray couldn't design an egg box!" Mariah scoffed, laughing slightly. Kai nodded, absentmindedly tapping his fingers on his faded jeans.

"It's good." he said quietly. Mariah frowned.

"Don't go fishing for compliments, because you won't find any here!" she snapped. Kai smiled slightly and inclined his head in acceptance.

"I don't look for compliments." he said calmly.

"I can't imagine many people would give them to you even if you asked." _Ouch, that hurt...keep it together, Hiwatari, she just hates you, remember? You can deal with that._

"That may be so." he replied, his tone faintly icy. "I don't look for abuse normally, either."

"Tough, you found it." Their eyes met in a heated glare for a fleeting second, then swung away as if scalded.

"Kai!" Lynette's shrill, excited voice cut through the strained atmosphere, and the black-haired girl ran up and grinned widely at Kai, who managed a small smile in return. "Rosie, come see Kai!" she called loudly. A tiny, shy-looking girl poked her head round a door and stared at Kai, her amber eyes wide. Abruptly, Kai brought his head up to meet her wondering gaze. With a shriek of mixed alarm and delight, the pink-topped head disappeared in a flash, the sound of hysterical giggling coming from behind the door. Realising the game, Kai averted his gaze again and waited until the head had re-appeared, then looked at her sharply. She shrieked again and ducked behind the door, this time keeping her eyes peering over the edge of the door.

Mariah scowled at the sight of Kai winning over both of her beloved daughters with very little apparent effort. This was not good. Who knew how he, of all people, would influence them?

Five goes later, Kai decided a test was in order. This time, he kept his head bowed, stubbornly staring at the thick beige carpet. Rosa made a sulky face at the change in rules, and cautiously emerged from the room. She tiptoed over to Lynette, who was standing approximately in between Kai and the protective door, and gazed at the strange, silent adult. Chewing nervously on a chunk of her shoulder-length hair, she approached Kai slowly.

Equally slowly, Kai crouched down to her level and met her gaze, giving her ample time to run away if she felt the need.

Rosa moved more of her hair into her mouth and chewed anxiously, staring as if transfixed at the man who was in front of her. No adult had ever acted anything like this towards her before, it was all: "Aw, aren't you just the cutest little thing...don't you look like your Mummy..." Then, they would ruffle her hair...ew... She shuddered at the thought. But this...Kai person...he was waiting for her to make the first move? Whoa. He might have weird eyes, but didn't Mummy and Daddy always say "Never judge a book by its cover"? Her mind made up, she smiled shyly at him.

"Hi," she mumbled, blushing furiously. "I'm Rosa. You're Kai. Lynnie said." she announced, with a quick look towards her big sister. Kai nodded.

"Yeah, that's me." he replied quietly. He stood up, smiling down at Rosa's sudden pout and Lynette's unhappy frown.

"Stay and play!" Rosa pleaded, her bottom lip starting to wobble.

"Yeah!" Lynette interjected in a hurt tone. "I thought you were nice!" she added crossly.

"I just need to get something to eat, if that's all right?" he asked politely. Both girls frowned and pretended to think about it.

"Oka-_ay_." they sighed in annoyed unison. They looked at each other, then shrugged and ran into the room that Rosa had recently vacated. Seconds later, giggles and a stream of Chinese indicated their current state of contentment.

"What makes you think you're going to get something to eat?" Mariah demanded aggressively. Kai shot her a cold glare. "Well?"

"You want to take the responsibility for what'll happen if I don't?" he asked curtly in Mandarin Chinese. Her eyes widened.

"I didn't know you spoke Mandarin." she commented in pointed English, somehow managing to make even that sentence sound suspicious and derogatory.

"Well, now you do." _Japanese now_. _Oh, this is going to be entertaining..._

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?" Russian.

"That!"

"What?" French.

"Will you stop if I give you something to eat?" _Excellent, a result!_

"Yes." Arabic.

Mariah growled in irritation and walked off, her pupils mere slits in their amber circles.

"Come on, then!" she called disdainfully over her shoulder. Smirking in triumph, Kai followed her.

* * *

Mariah glared furiously at Kai as she stalked into the kitchen.

"Touch the oven, microwave or grill and I promise you, you'll regret it!" She looked defiantly up at his six-foot three height from her petite five-foot two, not giving an inch. Kai shrugged.

"Whatever. Where's the food?" he asked, still in Mandarin.

"Over there." Mariah answered automatically in the same dialect, then caught herself. Her eyes flared with anger and she flounced out, spitting an insult at him that Kai could only imagine came from the language of her hometown. As he busied himself with getting himself something to eat, he mused over the strange aversion that she had to speaking Mandarin. How had her daughters learnt it? He was absolutely positive that they had been babbling away in it quite happily behind the partly closed door...peculiar. Very much so.

* * *

Ray unlocked the front door and stepped inside, closing it securely behind him and rubbing weakly at his burning eyes.

"What kind of a time do you call this?" Mariah demanded from the lounge, only partly joking. A very small part. "It's three in the morning!"

"Long day." he called back hoarsely. "Longest day ever." She came out, her face softening as she saw him. He could only imagine how he looked. He felt like seven different kinds of hell, all of them exhausted, and in pain in about a billion different places. They embraced tightly, their lips meeting in a soft, tender kiss. Mariah rested her forehead on his.

"C'mon, tiger, let's get you into bed." she whispered. Ray nodded numbly. He was swaying on his feet, he realised now, and vaguely wondered how long he'd been doing that for. He allowed Mariah to gently lead him up the stairs.

Past the girls' room, which registered as a mere blur of bright pink and soft breathing, past the spare room - A faint memory hit him. _Spare room...Kai..._ Pulling free of Mariah's hold, he staggered in.

After a few seconds of hopelessly foggy vision, it cleared enough to make out the outline of the room, and a pair of haunted violet eyes staring at him in surprise.

Kai looked at Ray, his mind scrabbling to pull itself back to functioning level. Staring out the window for hours on end didn't require much brainpower. He had discovered it could send his often dangerously active brain into a peaceful state of dreaminess. However, dreaminess was not what was required for communication...

"Ray?" he whispered, moving quickly to his old friend's side and supporting him as he swayed. "Where've you been?"

"Work..." Ray murmured faintly. His face was ashen with weariness and his hair had come out of the band, hanging loosely around his face. "So…how was your day?"

"Screw my day," Kai muttered decidedly. "You need to be in bed." He held up a hand to silence Ray's protests. "Shut up and listen to me for once. B-E-D." Ray scowled feebly at him and yawned, leaning comfortably against Kai and closing his eyes. "No, I'm not bed. Bed is in there." Kai pointed towards the only room with the lights on and hoping that he was correct. Grumbling in a barely audible voice, Ray tiredly opened his eyes and began to stagger towards the light, blinking rapidly.

"Goodnight, Ray." Kai called after him. Ray turned slightly to face him. For an instant, all the exhaustion fell away from his expression as a gentle, achingly familiar smile lit up his handsome features.

"'Night, Kai." he whispered softly. Kai watched as he stumbled unsteadily out.

Suddenly, his chest hurt, head hurt, throat hurt. The old reply, once automatic, floated into his head and tried to force itself out. He kept it back. It was in the past.

_"'Night, Ray. Love you."_

All in the past...

_"Love you too, Kai..."_

He blinked and went back to his seat by the window, struggling to clear his mind. It was as if those simple words had opened a floodgate, and he couldn't stop the memories from coming, couldn't ignore them, good or bad...or worse...

"Leave me alone," he mumbled, staring unseeingly out of the window. "Please...leave me alone..." Defeated, he dropped his head to rest on his folded arms and gave up. Darkness poured in, choking, suffocating...

* * *

Yes,I had to make it into some kind of Kai/Ray! If people would like more along these lines, please tell me! Personally,I love yaoi, but I know that others don't, so just write and tell me if you don't want even a hint of yaoi. Anyway, review, please! They make me so happy! 


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, I was in a hurry to get this chapter up, so I apologise if the standard's dropped. After many protesting reviews on the subject, this fic is _not_ going to be yaoi centered, but friendship (mainly Kai, Kai and more Kai) centered. So,I hope you all enjoy reading this!

* * *

Mariah yawned softly and opened her eyes. She smiled affectionately at the sleeping Ray, who was dead to anything and everything. It was a damn good job it was a weekend, or she'd have had to phone in sick for him. Wait; was she working today or not? Stupid part-time jobs...stupid constantly changing days...no, she wasn't. Thank goodness for that! With a sigh, she snuggled up to Ray's warm, muscular body and prepared for a long, luxurious lie-in.

Suddenly, her acute hearing picked up quiet sounds of distress. Instantly alert, she sat up and listened carefully, trying to determine which of her daughters were having a nightmare. The sound came again, along with realisation of who it was. Feeling more than a little guilty, she settled back down again. Let Kai suffer. What did she care?

She might hate him with a vengeance, but her highly developed mothering instinct was not making it easy to lie there and listen to somebody in distress...

She held out for a good fifteen minutes, guilt squirming like a live thing in her stomach. Finally, she growled softly and sat up, shivering as the cool air hit her exposed flesh.

"Fine!" she snapped to no one in particular, and walked as slowly as possible towards Kai's room - no, it was the spare room! She couldn't allow herself to think like that! He would become a permanent feature in this house over her dead body!

* * *

She nervously pushed the door open a little and looked into the room. Kai was sitting next to the window, still fully clothed, with his head buried in his folded arms. Distracting herself purposefully, Mariah scowled and tutted at the marks in the carpet where he had dragged the armchair over to the window. A soft moan pulled her reluctant attention back to the figure in the corner of the room. Slowly, she walked up to him and stood next to him, struggling with the powerful emotions of concern, her obligations to Ray, and her deep-rooted hatred for the man in front of her. Finally, she made a decision.

"I _hate_ you." she murmured, then punched him as hard as she could on the arm. "Wake up, Hiwatari!" she ordered loudly. "You'd better have a fucking good reason for this!" Nothing happened. She hit him again, wondering whether he had awoken and was simply playing with her. Yes, it sounded like the sort of thing he would do. "Don't you _dare_ ignore me!" she snarled. When that outburst provoked nothing more than another moan, she hissed in annoyance and stepped back. As she did so, his head shifted positions, making his face visible. She opened her mouth to let loose a tirade, then stopped, something unexpected tugging at her heartstrings.

It took her a good two minutes to realise that what she felt was...pity. The man in front of her wasn't the arrogant, strong, untouchable teenager that she had hated for nearly half her life. He was gaunt, haggard, worn out by a world that had dealt him too many hard blows over the years, his mind shattered by a past that no one had been more than vaguely aware of until it had blown his world apart.

She reached out to...to what? She didn't know. He was...he was...Kai. The person who had redefined the word megalomaniac.

He had stolen her bit-beast, ripped it mercilessly from her and laughed as she died inside, held up his beyblade and crowed in triumph at his inhuman deed. He had annihilated two teams, left them reeling as he wrenched their bit-beasts from them and added them to his little collection. He had showed himself time and time again to be faithless, unreliable, uncaring about promises and others' feelings. Ray would surely testify to that.

He had rightfully earned her hatred. If he wanted anything else from her, he was going to have to do far more than turn up on their doorstep and demand shelter on the strength of events from when they were little more than children.

Feeling much happier with her mind-set, she reached out and shook his icy-cold shoulder, hard.

"Wake up, Kai." Her voice was curt. He moaned again, his eyes flickering underneath his closed eyelids. Gradually, his eyelids rose. Dazed, confused violet gazed at her, through her. "Are you awake or not?" Still mute, he raised a shaking hand and dragged it wearily across his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm...still here..." His voice was weak and rasping. Mariah frowned at the strange comment.

"Well, you certainly didn't go anywhere while I was watching you." she said acidly. Kai chuckled feebly and closed his eyes for a brief moment. Dark, bruise-like shadows under his eyes indicated exactly how much sleep he had got during the night. A catch in his breath warned Mariah of the coming explosion, and she automatically stepped back. Kai bent double and began to...cough was the wrong word. It was harsh, violent, jerky, almost as if he was choking.

* * *

An unbelievable forty seconds later, he was still going, his face showing the faintest flash of panic with each new bark. Moving quickly, Mariah grabbed his shoulder and pushed him upright.

"Stay upright, you understand that?" she ordered briskly. "Now, just try to breathe. That's it...deep breaths now...there, see? So much easier if you'd just stop attention seeking." She smiled nastily. Both of them knew that Kai had never looked for attention in his life. Kai, his breathing ragged but more or less normal now, looked up and stared calculatingly into her eyes.

"You pity me." he remarked hoarsely, smirking at her stunned look. "I've always been good at that," he said offhandedly. "I've got better recently." A hint of self-deprecation crept into his rasping voice. "I suppose losing your mind makes you better at reading other people's." His expression hardened. "I don't need your pity."

Any vague thoughts of softness towards him in her mind disappeared at his stiff, hard tone. Almost relieved at the return of the familiar hot rush of anger, she drew herself up, eyes blazing defiantly.

"Who said I was offering it?" she retorted crisply. Kai gave her a darkly amused look and stood up unsteadily, grasping hold of the arm of the chair with both hands to keep himself upright. Swaying and stumbling, he made his slow way over to the bed and crawled under the covers.

"No one." he whispered, his voice already slurring with sleep. "No one important. Now, if you don't mind, I intend to finally get some sleep." Fuming at his insolence in ordering her around - in her own _house_ - Mariah ground her teeth together and left the room.

* * *

Hearing Mariah coming down the stairs, Ray looked up guiltily from the computer monitor and quickly exited what he was looking at.

"You shouldn't be up! You were completely exhausted last night - or should I say earlier this morning?" Mariah scolded, pulling up a chair and sitting next to him, her clear, bright amber eyes sweeping his own, darker-coloured ones intently. "What's the matter? What were you looking at?" she asked, a hint of suspicion creeping into her tone. Still somewhat drowsy, he couldn't hold her gaze for long.

"Nothing." he mumbled, averting his eyes. She placed two fingers under his chin and tipped it up until their gazes met again.

"C'mon, tiger. Talk to me." she pleaded softly. Ray looked away.

"Nothing important. The girls want you to help them make a tent. I'd imagine you know what that means?" Mariah nodded impatiently.

"Yes, yes, now tell me what you're so jittery about!" she ordered, her eyes betraying a hint of fear. Ray sighed in defeat.

"The day after he arrived here, Kai told me his exact...problem...condition...I don't know what to call it. So, I looked it up." He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and shook his head slowly from side to side.

"And?" Mariah prompted quietly, laying a reassuring hand on his knee.

"And all I can think about is: why on earth did nobody spot it before?" Ray whispered miserably. "He displayed some of the most obvious symptoms from the very first day we met him. Difficulty expressing emotion, overly focused on orderliness and perfection, setting us and himself ridiculously high targets then making us feel like so much shit if we didn't obtain them, distrusting of everyone, constantly cold and distant-"

"Ray, there's no way you could have known," Mariah soothed. "He hid it from everyone. Two different teams, constant media attention, Mr Dickenson, Judy, no one ever noticed, did they? We just accepted it as how he was."

"Yes...but..." Ray protested wretchedly. "I should have _guessed_."

"No, Ray." Mariah said, softly yet firmly. "Even given your somewhat...special relationship with him, why would he have told you?" Ray hesitated, then nodded reluctantly. Leaning forwards, he hugged her tightly.

"Yes, I suppose you're right." he sighed. "It just...hurts. Knowing that he went through all that with absolutely no one to support him. I'd have even been happier if he'd confided in one of the Demolition Boys, for heaven's sake!" They both smiled grimly.

"Mummy!" Rosa whined from the lounge. "Come build a tent with us!"

"Coming, sweetie!" Mariah called. Giving Ray a rueful smile and a quick, tender kiss, she got up and went to play with their daughters. "Go back to bed, tiger. You look like hell." she said quietly from the doorway.

"Trust me, I feel far worse." Ray mumbled, rubbing his temples distractedly. With a sigh, he heaved himself upright.

"Oh yeah, and Kai apparently had a bad night last night." Ray raised an inquiring eyebrow in his wife's direction. "He happened to be moaning at a pitch that I couldn't very well ignore." Mariah informed him sarcastically. "He then proceeded to wake up, choke for a good half a minute, accuse me of _pitying_ him - " She made a scornful sound, "-then crawled into bed and ordered me out of the room!" She finished on a note of utter outrage, her eyes wide and fierce.

"How dare he." Ray said mildly. "Now, calm down and go play with the girls." Grumbling about a house full of domineering, _bossy_ men, Mariah disappeared into the lounge.

* * *

Kai wearily opened his eyes. Rubbing them weakly, he toyed with the pleasant idea of staying in bed for a while longer. His stomach grumbled at him disapprovingly. Cursing softly under his breath, he sat up, then swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up slowly. Fighting dizziness, he swore again at the creased state of his clothes. He rummaged through his bag and pulled out a clean dark blue shirt and underwear, and a pair of threadbare black jeans. Dressing quickly, he turned the collar up to hide his disfigurement and checked that the sleeves were rolled down. The action was automatic, he barely even registered that he was doing it.

Dragging a brush through his tangled hair, he sat down on the bed. Slowly, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out a thick silver chain, with a small, gold-inlaid box hanging on it. He gazed at it tenderly, lost in a swirling, confused blur of recollections that poured through him like water through his hands. A sudden noise jerked him back to the present. Eyes wary, he fastened on the necklace, checking that it was hidden. Inside the box was a small fragment of his bit-chip, his only physical link to his beloved bit-beast that remained. He still had his memories, but he didn't trust his unstable mind to bring up the right ones anymore.

He had fought so many people to be allowed to keep this. Muggers and grubby street urchins with his fists, psychiatrists and psychologists with stumbling, inadequate words, struggling to describe the bond that held bit-beast and wielder together.

Deeper than friendship or joy, deeper than love and yet somehow all this and more, a bond that reached right down and fastened itself irremovably to your heartstrings. No one had been able to understand him until long after his own heart had been torn in two by the separation, and even then they had only considered the fragment a nostalgic item, nothing more.

Why didn't they understand…why hadn't they given her back to him?

Stopping a sob that wanted to emerge, he kissed the little box gently, then slipped it back under his shirt. He buried his face in his hands for a moment then, composed again, stood up and went to ask Ray if he could borrow a razor. God only knew what had happened to his. _That's what you get for living on the streets…_he admonished himself.

* * *

"Hey, Ray?" he called softly, poking his head round the door.

"Yeah?" Ray mumbled, blinking sleepily, his eyes only half-open as he looked at Kai.

"Have you got a spare razor I could use?"

"Uh-huh…" Ray curled back up in a ball and closed his eyes. "Bathroom cupboard…top shelf…" Kai nodded in thanks and went into the bathroom to have a much-needed shave.

When he came out fifteen minutes later with a small cut on his cheek, Ray was sitting up in bed, staring at him. Kai stopped dead. _Damn it, I know that look…_

"What is it, Ray?" he said reluctantly. Ray gave him a small smile.

"You know me too well," he said lightly. His face hardened. "Now, don't you think it's about time we talked?" Grudgingly, Kai nodded and sat down on the end of the bed. "Why did you never tell any of us?" He looked up, startled at the pleading tone in Ray's voice.

"I was never friendly enough with Kenny or Daichi to warrant that kind of revelation, Hilary and Tyson would have felt horribly awkward, Max would have been overpoweringly compassionate, and no one knew where you where." Kai recited. He returned Ray's disbelieving glare defiantly. "Anyway," he muttered. "I wasn't in much of a state to remember about you lot at the time."

"Kai, how could you forget about us?" He met Ray's hurt, confused gaze evenly.

"Compared to what was going through my head at the time? Easily."

"When was…did you…it…"

"I got sectioned a year after the third World's." Kai replied curtly, cutting into Ray's discomfited babble. "I got released six years later." Ray fell absolutely silent, his eyes wide with shock. "What? You though that mental institutions taken in short-term cases?" Kai laughed harshly at the thought. "I was one of the ones that was either going to get out within a decade or never get out at all."

"You mean you've only been out of there for a year?" Ray whispered. Kai nodded. He could read the thoughts flashing behind Ray's eyes easily, and they _hurt._

"You're wondering why you let me in." he said quietly. "You're thinking about the safety of your wife and daughters in the same house as a confirmed madman. You're wondering whether to ask me to leave."

"No, I-" Kai stood up, every inch the icy-cold, perfectly in control boy of his teens.

"Save it, Ray." His voice was quiet, a little pitying. "I understand. It's natural that you're protective of your family. I can't expect to just come into your life and receive preferential treatment." Anger boiled up inside him. "Just a little _tolerance _would be nice. A bit of _belief _in me." He strode out, his venomous, resentful words still echoing in the silent room.

* * *

Frostily calm, he pushed at an old wooden door.

"Let me in, Ling." he muttered in Mandarin, his voice low and tight . "Right now." There was a scrabbling on the other side of the door, and it slowly swung open. A slightly bewildered man stared at him.

"Whoa, what's got you so riled up?" he asked breezily. Kai shrugged stiffly and pushed past him, sinking down onto a stool in the middle of the floor.

"Mind if I have a little stress-beating incident?" he asked, picking up a microphone and winding the cord round his hand thoughtfully.

"You look like you need it." was Ling's non-committal response. "The usual?" Kai nodded. Taking his necklace out of his shirt, he unclasped it and held it lightly in his palm as he sang softly along to the soundtrack. The tension slowly drained out of him, leaving a worn-out, discontented shell behind. His mind slipped again, and he was gone, floating in an empty void.

Why had he been so stupid as to think Ray would understand? He had been right all along…he was alone…no one could understand. He was, as he had always been, alone.

* * *

That's all for now! I've reached aslight block, butI should have the next chapter up...as soon as I've written it!

Just out of interest, I went onto the Internet and looked up OCness (that's obsessive-compulsiveness) and paranoia, and it completely freaked me out! Here's what I found:

****

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.

****

Paranoia

Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.

Childhood influences  
What happens to us in childhood may play a part. If a child is brought up to believe that the world is a very unsafe place and that people are horrible, this may mould their personality in a paranoid direction. Self-esteem, or lack of it, is also important.

I mean, HELLO? Does that not SCREAM Kai at you? Anyway, please review! Reviews make me so very happy!


	5. Chapter 5

Ithink this is a little shorter than the last few, soIapologise for that. Thanks to **chi no hana**, **kay1fire**, **Jashomara**, **Frostt**, **though i choose death instead of pointless pain**, **Kashila**, **darksaphire**, **missy** and**Juuichi-Gatsu** for reviewing this story! If i've missed anybody out, please tell me. I'm _so_ sorry this has been so slow in coming, I've had writer's block for _ages_and have been trying to beat it by starting random stories and oneshots. It hasn't particuarly worked, I've still got far too much updating to do! Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter! More Kai-torture! (starts laughing insanely) It's abit pointless, butI haven't really worked out where it's going from here and I didn't want to keep you wonderful readers waiting any longer, so I just randomly typed something down. Enjoy!

* * *

Ling looked uneasily at the unmoving form of his employee and casual friend. Kai hadn't moved since he sat down, unless you counted his fingers moving restlessly, ceaselessly over that strange necklace. Glassy, unseeing eyes gazed at an interminable point in the distance. 

There was a commotion outside. With one last glance towards Kai, Ling opened the door and looked out.

A black-haired little girl on a bike, he never could tell ages with children, had just ridden straight into a lamppost. She was sitting on the floor crying, surrounded by concerned people.

"Isn't that Ray Kon's daughter?" Ling heard one of them mutter.

"Has to be, that kind of likeness. Where do you live, little girl? What's your name?" The little girl in question looked up, tears spiking her eyelashes.

"I'm Lynette, and I'm looking for Kai. You seen him?" she asked hopefully. Ling raised an eyebrow in surprise, already hurrying out.

"Kai's just in here, Lynette. Don't know whether he's in a state to see you, but he's here anyway." he called. Lynette's elfin face lit up and she stood up, brushing her scraped knees off carelessly. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed.

"How do I know you're not lying?" she asked suspiciously. Ling smirked. _Smart girl for her age._

"You don't." he said matter-of-factly. "I could tell you that I'm not, but you wouldn't accept that, I'm sure."

"Gimme proof." Lynette demanded. Ling thought, then shrugged. It was worth a shot. He placed one hand on the side of his neck and dragged his fingers across it. Lynette's face cleared, and she bounded inside, grinning happily.

She dashed up to Kai and prodded him hard in the only part of him she could reach; his leg. "There you are, Kai!" she exclaimed joyfully. Kai's posture didn't change. Frowning in concentration, she took a few steps backwards, then ran forwards and took a flying leap, landing on the high wooden table with ease. She lay down on it, full length, and stared at Kai, her face transforming to worry. "Kai? You okay? Wake up!" she demanded. Kai's fingers stroked the necklace, showing no sign that he could heard hear

Ling moved forwards to take her aside, when, to his utter astonishment, Kai blinked and focused on the little girl only a few inches away from him.

* * *

Kai struggled to form a smile for Lynette. Groggily, he sat up a little, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings again. "Hey," he mouthed, his voice sticking in his throat. The seven year-old looked at him, concern clear in her bright amber eyes. 

"Are you feeling sleepy?" she asked, patting him lightly on the arm. His head moved a fraction to confirm the question. "Okay. Do you want me to go away, so's you can go back to sleep?" He stared at her, his brain struggling to cope with translating. In her concern, Lynette was switching between English and Mandarin without knowing it, and it was too much work for his confused, foggy mind. He began to slip out of reality again, finding a sick kind of comfort in this fresh confirmation of his inability to live in the civilised world when he had forgotten to take his medication.

"Do you want to know what insanity feels like, Lynette?" His voice seemed to be coming from far away, the question out of nowhere. Without waiting for a reply, he started talking in a soft monotone. "I've always thought of it as centred around the world's biggest cliff, and you're bungee-jumping off it. You go from solid ground under your feet to this sick feeling of fear and excitement as you plunge over the edge. You know you'll always be saved…that the bungee cord will always snap taut and pull you back just when you start getting scared, and the adrenalin is so addictive that you just can't resist testing your boundaries and plunging down over and over again.

"But one day, the cord snaps and you fall and fall…screaming…hoping for a miracle… Then you hit the ground. It's the worst feeling in the world, just lying there, helpless, knowing that you've failed, your whole body burning with pain… Deep inside, you're still waiting for the cord to go taut and pull you up, but it doesn't…it doesn't happen…

"Then the ambulance arrives, they scoop you up, patch you up, shove you in a hospital to get over your ordeal. And they try to help…they try to push you back up that cliff, back towards solid ground…but that don't know. They've never felt what it's like to lie there, crying out for someone to save you, and everyone who could is up there, up on the cliff, safe and sound. They rip your harness, your only hope of a successful climb away from you without even asking whether you want it or not. You get used to it…used to lying there, looking up at the world going on above you. You fight those helping hands, you jump off the cliff and land back where you were. Staring up at the sky, watching clouds, watching the people like ants up in the sky. You hurt, but you don't notice, lost in your peaceful world. Why would you want to climb? What have you got left up there?

"You saw your friends walk away as you took that fateful jump, confident that you're untouchable, that nothing will ever hurt you, because they don't know about the addiction, about the urge to jump over the edge that's been with you for so many years now. They've never returned, never peered over the edge from their comfortable, safe world and seen you lying there, broken, ruined. They don't need you. Your harness is gone and no one will tell you where it is, so how are you supposed to feel safe when you're climbing? Because you do start climbing again. Of course you do. It's human nature to keep trying, refuse to give in, and yours more than most. Slowly, you climb, up and up, closer and closer towards the cliff edge, towards the stability that you took as granted so, so long ago. You climb relentlessly, applying all of your once-legendary tenacity to the task of getting back where you were.

"And so, eventually, you pull yourself up, swing yourself back onto solid ground again. The world is so different from the one you recall. No one knows you unless they strain their memories; you're old news. All those wonderful accomplishments, even the shock of your fall, no one remembers it.

"So now you're up there again, but only just. You're clinging to the edge with all your might, held in place with ropes and secondary harnesses. Every now and then, if you forget to tighten them, they let you fall, and you grab hold of the edge and hang on, tightening them as best you can until they can pull you up again." He lifted his head and looked straight at Ray, who was standing in the doorway, a look of mingled shock, anger and hurt clear on his face. Kai's mouth twitched up into a nasty smirk as he continued talking about himself in the second person. "You're not like other people, you're never going to be fully stable ever again. It just takes some people a while to catch on, and they don't like it when they do."

"That's enough, Kai." Ray said steadily, his calm voice cutting through the atmosphere in the room like a hot knife through butter. He held out a hand. "Lynnie, come with me. We're going home." Committing an almost unheard-of act for a Chinese child, Lynette scowled and shook her head furiously. Ray's gaze sharpened. "Lynette!" he snapped. The little girl cringed, afraid of the sudden anger in her father's usually benevolent eyes.

"Why are you angry at Kai?" she demanded.

"He has no right to be telling you such things."

"Daddy, he's just unhappy!" Lynette defended the silent man just a few inches away from her. "He's just unhappy, that's all!"

"He's more than unhappy if he thought that he could get away with not taking his medication." Ray stated. "I'm not putting you girls in any danger."

"You were perfectly happy to, before you found out." Kai commented quietly.

"Kai wouldn't hurt me, or Rosie!" Lynette declared.

"You don't know that." both men said in unison. With a sigh, Ray walked over and sat down next to Kai. Kai looked at him, his eyes empty of emotion. "Talk to me, Kai," he almost whispered. "I don't know where I stand in this."

* * *

Kai stared blankly. Ray's honey-coloured eyes looked huge, filled with uncertainty and a determination to try and do the right thing. 

"What could I tell you?" he murmured, his attention drifting. "I'm clinically insane, you know that now." He reached inside his shirt and brought out the necklace, rubbing his fingers over it in a pattern that had been worked out long ago. Suddenly, he felt something soft brush his ruined throat. He watched detachedly out as the corner of his eye as Lynette touched his throat. "I wouldn't do that." he whispered. "You can't fix that." A tear slid down his cheek. He made no effort to stop it, an empty feeling settling over him, heavy on his chest. "You can't…fix me…" he murmured, to whom, he didn't know. Another tear slid down his cheek, then another, then another. He blinked as he felt Lynette wrap her arms round him in a tight hug.

"Come on, Kai. You need to take your medication." Ray's voice seemed to be coming from a long way away. "Come back with us." Mechanically, he rose to his feet and followed the two black-haired, graceful Chinese citizens out of the door.

* * *

Mariah knocked on the door and, receiving no reply, tentatively pushed it open. 

"Is that always how you check whether someone wants you in the room?" Kai asked icily from his seat by the window, in the corner of the room.

"Do I care whether you want me in the room?" Mariah retorted, irritated. Kai turned to her.

"You should do." His expression was closed-off, unfathomable, his eyes dark and menacing. Mariah swallowed despite herself.

"Just take your medication!" she ordered, pointing to the four bottles and a glass of water on the tray that she was carrying. Nervousness sharpened her voice. "Or I'll get Ray and we'll _force_ it down you." She glared at him, unfazed by the dangerous look that she was getting in return. "I wasn't afraid of you sane, Hiwatari, and I'll be damned if you scare me now!" With a short nod of acceptance, Kai reached out and took the tray from her with a threatening, suspicious look. He unscrewed the top of one and swallowed two of the pills in one gulp. Slowly, some of the tension eased out of his rigid stance. He looked up at her and chuckled humourlessly.

"You know, I think you understand better than Ray." he commented, turning away in a clear dismissal. "Now, go away." His voice became intimidating again. Mariah shivered despite herself and left the room obediently.

By instinct, she went straight to her bedroom drawer and checked on Galux, breathing a silent sigh of relief when she saw the bit-beast firmly in place. Call her paranoid, but when Kai sounded like that, she wasn't taking any chances.

* * *

Okay, that's that done! If anyone understands what Kai's going on about with the whole bungee-jumping thing, well done! If you don't, it doesn't matter, you just need to know that he was talking about his experiences going mad. He was talking about them in the second person because it was easier for him to bear. 

In the end few paragraphs, where he's scaring the shit out of Mariah, that's the paranoid part of him starting to take over. Everything before is just him slipping out of control.

Hope that's clear to everyone! Please, please review!


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, here's the next chapter! Thank you to all the reviewers of this so far! (In other words, I'm too lazy to trawl through my inbox to find all the names! Sorry!) This does have spelling mistakes in, (shudders)because the computer didn't work properly, and I very nearly lost the whole thing! This contains...well, it's either mild lemon, or strong lime, I'm not sure, could somebody kindly tell me in their review what they think it is? Thanks! Enjoy!

* * *

Ray leaned back and massaged his aching neck with one hand. Stretching and wincing as he felt a few joints crack, he stood up, quickly shutting the computer down and slinging his jacket on. 

"Right, I'm off," he told the man next to him, who gave him a friendly wave goodbye and returned to furiously typing something out on his computer. "Have fun."

"Fun? What's that?" several voices muttered darkly. Ray laughed good-naturedly.

"It's what we get when we're not working." he replied amiably.

"Not working? Oh, you mean the times when I'm trying to sleep, eat, piss, the normal things? That's fun?" came the same voice, the tone acid. "It's all right for some, with their cushy managerial jobs-" His colleagues shushed him hastily, the wiser ones leaning over their computers to give the impression of having nothing to do with him. Ray's eyes flashed dark gold. He was tired, hot, and thirsty, all of which shortened his usually long fuse to a bare millimetre.

"If you're that unhappy with this job, then you can leave right now," he said coldly, his quiet voice loud in the sudden silence. "I'll write you a decent referral and you can go and get a job elsewhere." The man, forty-odd at least if his sagging jowls were anything to go by, bristled slightly at being addressed with such authority by a mere youngster, then backed down.

"I didn't mean it like that…" he muttered apologetically.

"Good." Ray's eyes were hard as he stared at the grovelling man. "You all knew that this job was going to be hard when you had your interview, and you all know that you can leave at any time if you so wish." He inclined his head towards the door. No one moved a muscle. "Does anyone else here think that I have a…_cushy_ job?" Silence reigned. All the employees were very aware that their boss would often stay in hours longer than he needed to, working non-stop until a particular problem was solved. "Thank you. Now, everyone try get home before midnight, okay? I had the mother of all lectures when I got back at three in the morning last week, and you _don't_ want that." He grinned at his workforce, who grinned back, relieved that the momentary crisis was over. "See you tomorrow." To the sound of numerous farewells, he shut the door and headed for home.

Checking his watch, he reached for his key and unlocked the front door. Seven o'clock. Positively early for him. Only a thirteen-hour day? Child's play! Chuckling softly, he pushed open the door and stepped inside.

"Hello?" he called quietly, remembering just in time that Rosie should be in bed.

"Daddy!" Lynette came flying down the hallway and hugged him tightly, squeezing his muscular body with all the strength in her slender arms. She looked up at him and put a finger to her lips in an exaggerated shushing motion. Ray bent down until their matching eyes were level.

"Why do we have to be quiet?" he whispered.

"'Cause Mummy and Rosie and Kai are all asleep." Lynette explained, giggling. Ray frowned.

"What do you mean, sweetie?" With an exasperated sigh, his eldest daughter grabbed his hand and tugged impatiently, dragging him through the house.

"Well, Mummy's got a headache, so Kai told her to go and lie down, and he's been playing with me and Rosie. " They reached the doorway to the lounge. "Look! They look so cute!" she squealed, pointing into the lounge. Giving his daughter a surprised look at her unusual usage of the word "cute", Ray peered into the lounge.

Kai was sitting against the wall, bare-chested, with a peacefully sleeping Rosa curled up on his lap, sucking her thumb contentedly. His eyes were closed and his expression was the most serene that Ray could ever remember seeing it. One arm was loosely curved around the youngest Kon. As Ray approached slowly, his eyes flickered open. They surveyed Ray blankly for a few seconds, before life slowly crept back into the dull amethyst. In a movement that Ray guessed had become habitual, he tilted his head one side, hiding his ravaged throat from sight.

"Hey, Ray." His voice was hoarse and weak. Ray raised a hand in greeting and moved away to sit on the sofa.

"Don't let me keep you awake." he apologised, a faint thread of amusement in his voice. Kai chuckled weakly. The sound caught in this throat and turned into a mild, quiet cough.

"I'm not sleeping," he explained croakily. "Just drugged up, that's all." Ray raised a questioning eyebrow. "One of my meds acts like a sedative. I normally don't take it for a few hours yet, but I…needed to, tonight." He didn't offer any more information on that statement, and Ray knew better than to ask. The Chinese man gestured to where his youngest child lay in Kai's lap.

"She trusts you." he commented quietly. Kai nodded slowly.

"Yeah," he agreed, surprise clear in his weary voice. "After seeing this," he gestured to his scarred upper body. "Heaven only knows why." His pessimistic sigh roughened into a hacking cough, and he covered his mouth with his hand. Taking it away, he sucked in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. "So," he commented eventually. "How was work?" To his surprise, Ray found himself discussing in-depth what he did, how he'd done it, why he did it… What was even more surprising was that Kai actually seemed to understand - once he had woken up a little - and was able to make intelligent replies, occasionally even comment on what he thought could perhaps be improved.

* * *

"Gah, stupid boring adult talk…" Lynette grumbled after over half an hour of talking. "I'm going to go and see Mummy." 

"Your Mummy's asleep, Lyn." Kai reminded her calmly, not even the faintest hint of reproach evident in his voice. Lynnette scowled, apparently hearing something that Ray hadn't.

"So?" she replied petulantly. "So's _everybody_!"

"What're we, the pattern on the wallpaper?" Ray joked. The little girl's lips twitched despite herself.

"Yeah!" she agreed defiantly, glaring up at her father. "You're just the pattern on the wallpaper!" Ray raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at the clock.

"It's bedtime for somebody, I think." he chided, scooping his eldest child up onto his lap. She scowled half-heatedly and buried her head in his chest, yawning softly against the fabric of his shirt. "No!" she mumbled fiercely. "I'm not going to bed yet!"

"Why not?" Kai asked coolly. "I am." Lynette blinked rapidly, both to stave off tiredness and to try and absorb this startling fact.

"_You _are?" she echoed in utter disbelief. "But…you're a grown-up!" Kai shrugged.

"So?" he asked, exactly mimicking her sulky demand from a few minutes earlier. Her elfin face worked furiously as she tried to figure out what was happening. Giving up with a tired sigh, she snuggled into her father's warm, reassuring arms.

"Okay Daddy, I'll go to bed now…" she mumbled, defeated. Stifling a smile, Ray hoisted her up in his arms and carried the sleepy girl up to her bedroom.

"Kai?" he called softly, mindful of the three sleeping-or-almost-sleeping females in the house. "Could you bring Rosie up for me?"

"Yeah, sure." Shifting the pink-haired girl's dead weight from his legs to his arms, he stood up unsteadily and began to follow his old friend's tracks out of the lounge. Rosa squirmed in his grip and let out a slightly puzzled mew. "Ssh, Rose. I'm not that bad, am I?" Almost as if she could hear him, the tiny child settled back down again, nuzzling into his chest. Looking at her in wonderment, his eyes widened as he realised what was attracting her, even in her sleep. Next to her soft brown cheek was the pendant of his precious necklace, the miniature silver and gold-decorated box containing his most prized possession. _Well, what do you know? You've got good taste_, he thought dryly, fighting down the instant urge to hide it away. There was caution, and then there was ridiculousness, bordering on the obsessive. He didn't want to start going down that route again. Never again…never again…

"Kai? You fallen asleep down there or something?" Ray called, amused. Jerked back to reality, Kai started up the stairs, colouring slightly in discomfiture. Handing Rosa over to her father, he muttered an apology. Ray regarded him with surprise. "Why do you need to apologise?" he questioned curiously. Kai shrugged. He blinked in shock as he felt a hand land on his shoulder gripping it firmly. The younger man looked at him, his eyes warm and yet serious at the same time. "I think it's time we caught up with each other, don't you?" Caught by surprise, Kai nodded without really registering what Ray had just said. "Lounge." Ray said, in a voice that brooked no argument.

Kai debated refusing and following up on his earlier declaration of going to bed, but decided against it. It was too much hassle.

* * *

Two hours later - and in Ray's case, a whole bottle of wine - Kai stood up. He had forbidden himself any alcohol, both because of his little...problem with it, and because he didn't want it to mix with any of his meds. Ray stood up as well. Decidedlyless steadythan Kai, he wobbled on his feet. Laughing sheepishly, he grabbed hold of the arm of the sofa and sat back down again with a bump. 

"Sorry, Kai. I might be a little tipsy." he apologised. Kai smirked.

"A little?" he asked, his voice dripping sarcasm. The tips of Ray's ears coloured, a sure sign that he was embarrassed.

"Hey, I'm not that bad!" he protested. Kai sat back down, absentmidedly brushing a stray strand of grey hair out of his eyes.

"Of course not," he said patronisingly. "Although, you know what they say about denial..." Ray scowled and punched him lightly on the arm. Ignoring him, Kai twirled a strand of grey between his fingers. "Damn. I'm going to be completely grey by the time I'm thirty, Ray," he complained idly.

"Oh, I don't know. I think it suits you." Ray smiled a small, knowledgable smile. Kai watched him in silence for a few seconds, before bringing the conversation round to an angle that he liked.

"We were good together, you and I, weren't we?" he whispered, looking away despite himself. Even now, emotions were best avoided, especially the possibly hurtful ones that could follow this particular question. Hearing Ray's taken-aback splutters, he smirked. "It's just an observation, cub. There's no need to go all defensive on me." Ray attempted to pull himself together.

"Why cub?" he grumbled. His ears were brightscarlet.

"Why not? That's what you were, after all. A little cub." He smirked again at the offended look on Ray's face. "But now, I come back and am confronted by a fully-grown tiger and wildcat, with little a cub and kitten of their own. Haven't you changed?" He leaned back against the sofa with a sigh. "I always knew you were taken, you know." he said abruptly. Ray stared at him.

"How?" he demanded. Kai shrugged.

"It was just...obvious. I took what I could get - and enjoyed every second of it - nonetheless." Ray coloured again.

"I'm really sorry, you know that, don't you?" he asked anxiously. "I know I hurt you when we...broke up, but-"

"You knew where your true loyalties lay." Kai finished for him. "I'm over it." He chuckled quietly at his own comment, breaking into a muffled coughing fit. Ray watched him with concern.

"Do you have anything for that?" Kai shook his head, concentrating on breathing evenly.

"I take enough already for everything else. It's not going to get better, anyway."

"How do you know?"

"I asked about it at a therapy session a few days ago, then went to see the doctor who offers her services free for that place. It's chronic bronchitis, which means that it's only ever going to get slowly worse, and no doubt cause me even more problems in thirty, forty years time."

He gave a harsh, bitter laugh. "If I'm even alive in thirty to forty years time, I'll want to know what went wrong."

"Kai! Don't say that!"

"Why not?" Kai countered, his temper flaring up, pushing him closer towards that ever-present mental cliff. "I can't stand the idea of growing old. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. Call me vain, call me bloody Peter Pan, but unless something inside me changes very rapidly, I'm going to commit suicide by time I reach about fifty, if not earlier." His face took on a dreamy appearance. "There's some kind of poetical justice in overdosing on antidepressants, don't you think?" he murmured. In his head, there was a pleasant feeling of fuzziness.

A sharp slap brought him back to the present with a jolt. He took one look at Ray's frozen, horrified face and went cold inside. "What did I say?" he asked hoarsely.

"Talking about commiting suicide...said you couldn't bear living past fifty at the latest." Ray recounted haltingly. Kai swore and reached out a hand to Ray, who pulled away, tears glittering in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Ray, I didn't know what I was saying, I promise! I get like that sometimes, it's the meds." Kai explained desperately. "I'm so, so sorry." Ray stared at him for a few seconds more.

"It's okay." he muttered eventually, forcing a smile. Kai looked at him helplessly.

"Ray...I didn't mean it..." he whispered. The look of hurt and concern in Ray's eyes burnt like acid inside him. He began to reach forwards, to touch Ray's arm, try to convince him, but stopped almost as soon as he had started. Disgust bubbled up inside him from a source he had tried his best to keep sealed for years. Why would Ray believe him? Why would anyone believe him, a confirmed lunatic who had tried to commit suicide more times than he cared to remember?

Ray's hand landed on his arm.

"Is this what you wanted?" Ray asked cautiously. Kai stared stupidly at him. He gasped in shock as Ray leaned in and hugged him gently. "It's okay, Kai. The past is the past. You just have to try and forget." Kai hesitantly hugged the younger man back.

"I can't forget..." he mumbled, hating himself for the way his voice was cracking as he spoke. "That's the problem, Ray. I can't...I can't forget..." He scrabbled for his necklace and held it, so tightly that he could feel blood trickling over his fingers.

"What's this?" Ray asked softly, lightly brushing the tiny box with his fingertips. Kai jerked away reflexively, his hand closing around the box protectively. Suspicion flashed in his mind, in his eyes, and hebacked away until he was pressed against the far arm of the sofa, watching his old friend warily. "I apologise, Kai. I didn't realise that I wasn't allowed to touch that." Ray said quietly, calmingly. "Do you want to go to bed now? I'm going up now, so if you don't want to, goodnight."

"'Night," Kai replied mechanically, struggling to calm himself down. His eyes were flicking around the room so quickly that it made him feel slightly dizzy, his entire body coiled and ready for flight. Breathing heavily, a headache pounding at his temples, he stood up, forcing himself to look into the very corners of the room and see that there was no one there who could hurt him. Still staring around watchfully, he climbed the stairs and crawled into bed, fully clothed.

* * *

Ray slunk into his and Mariah's bedroom and stripped down to his boxers quickly, sliding into the deliciously warm bed. Still asleep, the young woman moved towards her newfound source of heat and sighed contentedly. Ray held her gently, dropping a tender kiss on her forehead. She stirred in his embrace, yawning and murmuring nonsense word as she slowly surfaced. Her beautiful amber eyes fluttered open, gazing sleepily up at him. 

"Ray?" she whispered drowsily. "What's the time?" Struggling upright, she squinted at the clock. Yawning widely, her curiosity satisfied, she flopped back on the mattress again and nuzzled her head into his chest, her silky hair tickling his bare skin very slightly. Her arms closed round him, their bodies fitting together perfectly. "How were the girls when you got back? Sorry I wasn't there, I had an incredible headache, could barely see straight."

"Yeah, Lynette told me Kai'd sent you off to bed. Is it better now?" Mariah nodded, shivering with pleasure as Ray's lips brushed against her forehead, unerringly hitting the exact spot that had been throbbing with mind-numbing pain just a few hours later.

"All the better for having you here." She moved towards him and kissed him lightly on the mouth. He caught her head and held it there. Slowly, lovingly, they kissed again and again, each kiss longer and deeper than the last. They drew away in unison, resting their foreheads against the other's and gazing dreamily at each other. "So," Mariah began, slightly breathlessly. "What were Kai and the girls doing when you got back? Normally," Her face hardened a little. "I would never have let him near them on his own, but I was just so…woozy. He practically had to _carry_ me up the stairs."

"Believe it or not, I came in and found Rosie asleep on Kai's lap." Mariah stared into Ray's honey-coloured eyes, which were dancing with amusement.

"You're kidding!" she exclaimed. Ray shook his head, sending his long ponytail flying over his shoulder. "I know she's become a lot more used to him, but...

"I swear, that's what I saw. And she would probably have stayed there quite happily for the rest of the night. He's given them his own version of their names, you know. Very simple; Lyn and Rose, but neither of them seem to mind." Silence fell, the couple simply enjoying their time together.

"He's really changed, hasn't he?" Mariah ventured eventually. Ray nodded, a shadow crossing his face.

"More than I ever imagined." he muttered sombrely. Mariah kissed him gently, hating the unhappy expression that marred his handsome features. She wasn't stupid; anything but. She knew that Ray and Kai would always have a peculiar bond between them, she had accepted that years ago, just as she had gradually come to terms with their one-time relationship. The vendetta she had held against him all this time had been purely personal; a preservation of the feeling that had swelled up in her chest as he had torn Galux from her all those years ago, and a stubborn determination to honour the vow she had made to herself and to Emily.

_I'll never forgive you for this, Kai! _Her thirteen year-old voice sounded loud in her ears, her memory of that terrible day untarnished by the passing of a full decade. Indecision lay heavy on her chest. On one hand, Kai had committed an unforgivable act. Even Tyson had once admitted that what their leader had doneduring his brief Jekyll and Hyde phase was inexcusable, and _everyone_ was aware of the way that Tyson idolised the older boy.

Yet, on the other hand, he _had_ changed. For the better in some ways, for the worse in others; like reliability. In the weeks since he had first turned up on their doorstep, she had learnt to continually expect the unexpected, learnt to summon up the right words to deflect a potentially dangerous mood swing. As he had said a week ago, in a way she understood better than Ray how he was now. She had only a ten year-old, nightmarish memory to remind her of his past personality, while Ray had three full year's worth of memories, some bad, most at least vaguely happy. All their memories were so different from how he was now, and Ray was struggling to adapt, struggling to re-make a picture that he had thought unalterable.

But…whether to forgive Kai or not…it was a virtually impossible decision. Certainly not one that she could make with any accuracy at the moment.

* * *

"Mariah?" Ray's whisper broke into her chaotic thoughts. "What are you thinking about?" 

"Nothing imporant," she whispered back. Ray's hand slid down from her shoulders, travelling down her back to rub her thigh. "Why?" she returned teasingly. "What are _you_ thinking about?"

"Just the most beautiful woman in the world," Ray murmured, before moving in and kissing her deeply. Their tongue touched. His mouth tasted like alcohol. Mariah felt a shiver of anticipation run through her as Ray slowly began to remove her pyjamas, the silk rustling sensuously against her smooth, tanned skin.

"What a sappy comment..." she chided, rubbing up against him mischeviously. She lowered her head and gave his collarbone a little lick, fitting her body flush with his. Giggling softly, she looked into eyes that were dark and glassy with lust. "Come on, tiger, you know you want me. It's all here," She touched the rapidly growing bump in his boxers, then took one of his hands and guided it down her naked body. "I'm doing all the work here, tiger. Shy?" she whispered. With characteristic suddeness, he shed his boxers and crushedhis mouth to hers. Kissing fiercely, they touched each other expertly, knowing exactly what to do to gain a state of arousal.

Mariah gasped, her mind hazy with desire, as Ray's hand slipped in between her legs, stroking her with little, light touches. She reached out and returned the favour, feeling him swell under her hand. With a soft grunt, Ray pushed her against him, closing the last of the distance they had put between themelves. She let out a stifled cry as he entered her, grinding her hips against his to urge him on.

They made love for a long time, before eventually stopping and gazing happily at each other.

"I'd better not be pregnant after this..." Mariah mumbled, nuzzling into his chest comfortably. "You only put a condom on the third time." Ray shrugged lazily, his eyes only half-open.

"You could always have an abortion." he replied, yawning widely. His eyes flew open in pain as Mariah dug her sharp nails into his arm. "What?" he demanded.

"I'm never having an abortion." she replied darkly, glaring up at him out the corner of one bright amber eye. Ray shrugged again, too tired to argue.

"Fine...you're on nappy duty..." he mumbled, before yawning again and dropping off to sleep. Mariah sighed in fond exasperation, cuddling up to his muscular body and closing her eyes.

* * *

"_Kai_!" Hearing Mariah's yell, Kai looked up from his book. 

"What?" he called back, automatically checking that his neck was covered.

"Get in here!" Rubbing his temples where last night's headache had refused to budge, he stood up, swearing in Russian as he nearly stepped on Rosa. "Rose, what are you doing?" he demanded, looking sternly down at the five year-old. The little girl stared back defiantly. Over the weeks, she had completely banished her first fear of Kai, and now adored him, even if she did keep wondering why he had triangles on his face.

"Playing." she replied promptly.

"Right next to my chair?" She nodded earnestly, messing up her neatly brushed hair. "Well, would you possible mind not doing it _quite_ so close next time? Otherwise I might accidentally step on you. I'm certain Mummy wouldn't want a Rose-pancake for a daughter." Rosa laughed shrilly.

"I'm a pancake!" she exclaimed, lying flat on her back, arms and legs spread-eagled. "Look, Kai! It's a Rose-pancake!" She dissolved into giggles.

"Kai, are you deaf or something?" Mariah demanded, poking her head round the lounge door. Her perfectly shaped eyebrows rose as she took in the scene in front of her. "Rosie, what are you doing, sweetheart?"

"I'm a Rose-pancake, Mummy!" the five year-old shouted excitedly, waving her arms in the air. Mariah grinned.

"Oh, are you?" She prowled over to her youngest daughter and crouched down beside her, forming one hand into a scissor shape. "You know what happens to pancakes?" Rosa shook her head furiously, staring wide-eyed at her Mummy and her weird hand. "They get cut up..." Mariah made snipping motions over Rosa's body, which was shaking with giggles. "and then they get eaten!" She bent down and closed her teeth lightly, ever so lightly, around the little girl's slender brown arm. Giggles progressed to hysterical laughter.

"Mummy's eating me! Mummy's eating me!" Rosa shrieked. "Help, Kai!"

"I'd say you're doing fine as you are, Rose." The weariness in Kai's voice was so apparent that both Kon females stopped their antics and stared at him. He was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, rubbing his left temple. Sensing their scrutiny, he half-opened his eyes and met the two identical amber-gold stares. "What?" he demanded, his voice strained as it tried to sound normal. Grumbling mentally at the concern she felt for him, Mariah stood up and put her hands on her hips.

"Do you want something for that?" she asked curtly. Kai shook his head, wincing.

"I've taken something." he replied equally curtly. Mariah narrowed her eyes. _Yes, but was it a painkiller, or just one of your pills?_ she asked silently.

"I know you have to be careful with the amount of drugs you take, but surely you can afford to have a painkiller?" she asked out loud.

"Not this soon afterwards, no. Give me a few hours, then you can nag all you want." He smirked at her. "Now, what did you want me for?"

"Oh yes, I forgot about that." Mariah blushed faintly in embarrassment. "Ray's just phoned me to say that he's organised dinner with some _very_ important people," She fairly glowed with pride. "So, I want to know what you'll be doing. Are you going to eat with us?" Kai's gaze unfocused as he weighed up the options.

On the bad side, evenings were always a bad time for him mentally. The paranoia medication took up to an hour to work and he generally spent that hour locked in his room with the curtains drawn. He honestly had no clue about how he would cope with having to interact with people who he didn't know.

On the plus side, every psychiatrist he had ever spoken to had been adamant that he only way he would learn to cope with new faces and surroundings was by experiencing them. And if the worst came to the worst, he knew all the signs, he could just excuse himself from the room and go lock himself in his bedroom.

"I'll start off eating with you, as long as I'm allowed to leave at any time." he replied carefully, beginning to plan his schedule around the dinner. Mariah's eyes flashed irritation for a split second, then calmed again.

"All right." she replied placidly.

"What are you cooking, anyway?"

"It's a little dish that Ray and I made up together. Rice, lamb, lots of different spices and herbs and a peach sauce. Any problems with that?"

"No. You know I'll eat most things." Kai sat back down again, ignoring her.

_Yes, I know you will, Kai_, Mariah thought sadly. _You eat anything and everything that's put down in front of you, but you don't enjoy it. You barely even notice it. You know you have to eat it, so you do, that's all there is to it_.

"Mariah, kindly stop pitying me." Kai said, politely enough, but with an undertone of annoyance.

"Who said I was?" she snapped back.

"Your face."

"You're not even looking at me!"

"How do you know that?"

"Because you're looking at your book!"

"Ever heard of something called peripheral vision?"

"No-one's vision is that good!"

"You want to bet on that?" Rosa scowled.

"Stop arguing!" she yelled, glaring up at the two adults. Embarrassed at being caught bickering by a child, they obediently shut up. Satisfied, Rosa curled up by Kai's feet and continued her long, complicated daydream about an invading army of carpet bugs coming to eat the floor, and being stopped by the one, the only, Super-Rosie and her can of that smelly white bug-killing stuff that Mummy used to get rid of wasps and yucky, crawly ants.

* * *

Warned by Mariah that he only had an hour and a half until Ray and the guests arrived, Kai was upstairs, having taken his pill half an hour ago, and searching through his bagfor something decent to wear. Eventually, he pulled out a light-grey, long-sleeved shirt and a pair of relatively new black trousers. Stripping to down his boxers, he reached out to put on the shirt. His hand faltered in mid-air as an overwhelming wave of exhaustion flowed over him, the sedating effects of the pill finally kicking in 

"Damn..." he mumbled weakly, stumbling over to the bed and collapsing onto it, still shirtless. Closing his eyes, he slid into sleep.

Mariah peered round the door, wondering why Kai hadn't responded to any of her calls.

She gasped, both hands flying to her mouth as she saw the state of his torso. And that _neck_... She shivered, unable to tear her eyes away from the gruesome sight. Cautiously, she took a few steps into the room. As if he could hear her even in his sleep, Kai stirred, his eyes slowly opening. She couldn't meet his gaze, couldn't look away from the mutilations that covered him.

"You're the last to see these." he murmured, a slight smile on his drawn face. "Took your time, didn't you?"

"How?" she whispered, shaking her head slowly from side to side. "How did you...do it?"

"With a sharp thing," Kai replied in a flippant mumble. His expression sobered. "It's a long story, Mariah, and not one I'm inclined to tell. Now," He rolled back over. "Leave me to sleep this off, or I'll be falling asleep in my plate." Silently, in shock, Mariah left the room and went to make herself presentable.

* * *

Half an hour later came Ray's distinctive triple-knock on the front door. Opening the door and exchanging a quick, how-are-you kiss with Ray, she fixed her bright, welcoming hostess smile in place and turned to their visitors. The only woman of the small group of three stepped forwards and extended a hand for Mariah to shake. Mariah put her at late thirties, early forties, long curly black hair showing strands of grey, clear blue eyes warm and friendly. She shook hands readily, and ducked her head respectfully to the two men. 

"It is an honour," she murmured politely, the Mandarin strange and awkward on her tongue.

"The honour is all ours, Mrs Kon." the taller man said smoothly, his dark brown eyes glittering in his tanned face. A faint tinge of pink crept across Mariah's cheeks, the young woman unable to resist the charm radiating off the man.

"Come in, please." She stepped back into the house. "Make yourselves at home." The three business tycoons filed in, looking around the house with obvious approval. She jumped as she felt an arm encircle her slim waist.

"You look beautiful." Ray whispered, his eyes bright with excitement and apprehension. "I suppose I'd better go and make myself presentable." Mariah smiled up at him. "Is Kai eating with us?" Mariah nodded.

"Could you check whether he still is? He's had a headache all day." she explained. Ray's face registered fleeting amusement at her unusual concern, before he nodded and headed upstairs. Halfway up, he was forced to grab hold of the banister as Lynette, with her hair still tied up in school-regulation bunches, came running down the stairsand cannonballed into him. Ruffling his eldest daughter's hair affectionately, Ray carried on up the stairs.

* * *

Well? What did you think? I was originally going to include the dinner in this chapter, but I have a very..._interesting_ idea for it - smiles evilly - plus, this chapter was long enough already. Depending on how things turn out, there probably won't be more than two or three more chapters, we shall see!

Does anybody want to hazard a guess as to what's wrong with Kai? As in; why did he have that headache? If anybody guesses correctly, they will be praised to high heaven in the next chapter!

Okay, so _**please**_ review. Also, I would love some opinions on the Ray/Mariah scene. That's all from me for now! Bye bye!


	7. Chapter 7

This is quite a short chapter, so I apologise for that. Hopefully, it won't be any worse because of it. Just a quick note: in China, people are referred to by their surnames first.

* * *

"Kai?" Ray called, knocking on the door. A tired, slightly unsteady voice answered: 

"What?" Ray pushed open the door.

"Are you feeling all right?" he asked. Kai dragged a hand across his pale, drawn face and nodded, trying for a smile. "You don't look it."

"I think I'm getting a cold, don't worry about it." He coughed jerkily and stood up, tugging fussily at the collar of his shirt. Ray bit his lips, unconvinced.

"Will you still be eating with us tonight?" Kai hesitated, then nodded.

"I'll do my best." he said cryptically. "Now, go and change. Forget about me." Ray shook his head.

"Impossible." he said dryly. Kai flipped him the finger. Grinning, Ray left the room.

Ten minutes later, dressed in a dark green shirt and white jeans, he closed his bedroom door and turned around, to find Kai standing in front of his door and looking down to where the sounds of talking could be clearly heard. His expression was riddled with uncertainty, one hand rubbing at his left temple fretfully. Ray took a loud step forward, gaining his attention.

"Shall we go?" he asked with a smile. Walking down the stairs, he heard Kai follow him slowly.

Nodding a greeting to his guests, he walked over to them and began a conversation, hopefully giving Kai a little time to adjust. The woman, Chang Juan, and Mariah appeared to be getting along well, although Ray could see his wife's tongue stumble over the unfamiliar Mandarin a few times. Mariah was a quick learner and a good adapter so hopefully she would be fine, but that would teach her to forgo learning the main language of China fluently. English and Guasiox were fine for family life, but not so useful when it came to the outside world, especially the latter. Even Ray had lost his fluency in Guasiox, the language of their village.

"Won't you introduce us to your friend?" the shorter man asked, looking over to where Kai was standing. His near-black eyes glittered with an emotion that Ray couldn't identify.

"Of course." he said politely. "This is Kai Hiwatari, an old friend of mine. Kai, this is Hwang Chang Juan-" The woman gave him a friendly smile. "-Han Dewei," He gestured to the taller of the two men, the one who had charmed Mariah so easily. "-And Yan Wu." The last man, shorter than anyone else in the room other than Mariah at five foot four, nodded in greeting, his eyes still glittering.

"Pleased to meet you, Kai," Dewei said pleasantly.

"Likewise." Kai replied quietly.

* * *

Chang Juan narrowed her eyes as she surveyed the newcomer. He was tall; she would put him at approximately six foot three, but thin, alarmingly so. He had odd blue triangles on his cheeks, his mostly-grey hair and grey shirt contrasting sharply with the pallor of his skin. At first sight, she thought of him as around Kon Ray's age, but then she got a proper look at his face. 

Those eyes, those strange, haunted, desolate amethyst eyes... They had seen far more than any human should ever have the right to. A phrase crossed her mind: _An old man trapped in a young man's body_. He stood awkwardly, visibly uncomfortable with suddenly being under scrutiny. One hand flew to his neck and touched his upturned collar lightly, then moved to rub his left temple as if he had a headache. He looked...ill, she realised; her suspicions apparently confirmed when he coughed slightly and closed his eyes for a brief moment as if he was struggling to breathe. His gaze locked with hers, the contact brief and intense. He walked over to her and stood a little distance away, staring at her appraisingly. She touched her cheek and gave him a questioning look.

"Face paint that doesn't come off anymore," he offered, shrugging. His voice was raspy and quiet. Close up, she could hear the rattle of his breathing, the wheezing sound that had replaced normal lung function. "Don't worry, it's nothing infectious." Surprised at his perceptiveness, she met his gaze again. Shadowed, wary amethyst irises drilled into her for a few seconds before flickering away to look edgily around the room.

"What is it?" she asked cautiously. "I know that it's none of my business..." She trailed off. Kai smirked, a flash of confidence suddenly revealing itself.

"Chronic bronchitis and the beginnings of a cold, I think." he answered, shrugging again. His lips twitched upwards in something vaguely resembling a smile and he walked away, heading for the kitchen, where Mariah had disappeared to a few minutes before.

* * *

"Mariah, have you started cooking yet?" 

"Just about to, why?" Mariah answered distractedly, chopping onions carefully.

"Don't give me much, please? I...wouldn't want to waste it." She turned, not even trying to hide her concern.

"Kai, are you _sure_ you're all right?" she demanded anxiously, reaching out to try and feel his forehead for a temperature. A tired smile pulled at his thin, pale lips as he jerked away from her.

"I'm getting a cold, that's all. Thanks for the concern." he commented dryly. Not reacting to the deliberate jibe, Mariah gave the older man a worried look and went back to preparing dinner.

"If you insist... Off you go, then. Colds are far too infectious to be around food." Meekly, he turned and went out.

* * *

Kai yawned behind his hand and looked up belatedly as Ray sat down next to him on the sofa. 

"What?" he questioned. Ray gazed wordlessly at him for a few seconds.

"Mariah's called us in for dinner." he said at last. "You still coming?" Kai nodded and winced as the movement sent pain blazing through his skull. Standing up, he looked at Ray, who was still staring at him.

"What's so fascinating about me all of a sudden?" he demanded curtly. Ray shook his head and looked away, his eyes both angry and sad at the same time.

"Nothing, Kai. You know best, after all."

"Do I detect a hint of sarcasm there, cub?" With that icy comment, Kai strode out of the lounge and into the kitchen, sitting in one of the only two empty chairs left. Whether purposefully or not, Mariah had put that chair in the corner, which suited him just fine. Pouring himself a glass of water with a hand that only shook very slightly, he settled back in the chair.

The food arrived and he began eating. He had a small portion as he had requested, a _very_ small portion, and was more than used to forcing himself to eat, but after only six or so mouthfuls, he had to admit defeat. Placing his knife and fork neatly in the middle of his half-full plate, he pushed it a few centimetres away from him. Without the distraction of food, his mind was free to behave as it wished.

Which, unfortunately enough, was not particularly as he _wanted_ it to behave.

His eyes flickered from one person to another as he unconsciously pushed his chair further back into the corner. Gulping down a mouthful of water, he tried, and failed, to pull himself together. A sudden shiver and a wave of cold washed through him.

_He could be hiding a knife in that massive coat - why is he still wearing a coat indoors, anyway? I don't like the look of that one, he's too shifty. What about Mariah, she hates me, everybody knows that, maybe she finally managed to turn Ray against me - Chinese are notorious poisoners...should I have eaten that? _His paranoid thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a child crying from upstairs. Instantly, both Mariah and Ray sprang to their feet. Kai blinked, taken aback, as Ray gestured for him to go up instead. Uncomprehending and suspicious, he stayed seated, trying to figure out Ray's angle.

"Up you go, Kai," Ray said quietly, in English. "You look like you could do with a break. Go on. Off you go." Obeying without particularly thinking about it, Kai got to his feet and left the room.

It seemed to be taking all his energy just to get up the stairs, but at least he felt more in control now, free of all those prying eyes... He stumbled and fell to his knees, one hand loosely gripping the banister. _Come on, weakling, keep it together... _He dragged himself to his feet, shaking like a leaf. A bitter smirk crossed his white face as a thought hit him. _At one time, you would have used that grit and tenacity to win matches, have millions cheering your name. Now, you use it for climbing the stairs. Oh, how the mighty have fallen... _He gave a short, rattling laugh that had nothing to do with humour and continued dragging himself towards his bedroom.

The door closed behind him and he coughed violently. Phlegm swam up the back of his throat and into his mouth, a horrible little slimy ball resting on his tongue. Spitting it out onto the windowsill, he took a deep breath to try and stop the painful coughing and winced, grabbing at his side as pain shot through his chest. His breaths came in short, rapid bursts. Tired, bone-achingly tired and shivering uncontrollably, he stumbled to the bed and fell onto it, slipping into a restless sleep.

* * *

Lynette sat up in bed, panting, her eyes wide in fright, for the second time that night. Looking nervously around the bedroom, and jumping at the slightest sound, she scrambled out of bed and headed for the door, and her parents' comforting arms. As she padded along the landing, she heard movement coming from Kai's room. Curious as to why Kai was asleep when Mummy and Daddy weren't - judging by the light and noises coming from downstairs - she knocked softly on the door. No answer came. She opened the door and tiptoed in. Creeping up to the bed, she reached out and patted Kai gently on the arm. 

"Kai?" she whispered loudly, wondering why his arm was all sweaty, and why he was panting. Maybe he was having a nightmare, too... "Kai?" She shook his arm again. Gradually, he opened his eyes and looked at her blearily. "I had a nightmare, Kai..." she whispered pathetically, scrambling up next to him.

"Lyn...I'm not...feeling that good...why don't you...go to...Mummy or…Daddy?" he asked with difficulty. Lynette frowned, looking at him carefully.

"Do you want me to get Daddy for you?" she asked perceptively. Kai shook his head, winced, and started coughing. The familiar, dry hacking that Lynette had got used to over the past month had morphed into a horrible, wet choking sound. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and closed his eyes. Lynette looked in disgust at the clear, blood-stained liquid on the back of his hand, then realised where it had come from and let out a small whimper of fright.

"It's…okay, Lyn," he rasped, patting her shoulder weakly. "I'm…just not…very well…understand me? Nothing to…be scared…of." Lynette bristled indignantly.

"I'm not scared!" she declared, outraged.

"What _are_ you…scared of?" The little girl shrugged, blushing. "Do you…know what…I'm scared of?" She shook her head, her eyes wide with surprise.

"_You're_ scared of something?" she demanded incredulously. Kai nodded his head fractionally.

"I'm afraid of…dying," he whispered croakily. Lynette blinked, confused.

"Why?" she asked curiously.

"Never…you mind…Lyn." came the exhausted, gasping reply. Fear blazed suddenly in Lynette's eyes.

"You're not going to d-die, are you?" she quavered, tears already welling up in her eyes. Kai didn't answer, his eyes closed, his face motionless. "Kai? Kai!" Kai's eyelids flickered partly open, but his dull, worn-out amethyst eyes showed no hint of recognition. Crying with fright and worry, Lynette fled downstairs, screaming for her parents.

* * *

Ray's hand shook violently as he placed it on Kai's glistening forehead, confirming what he had known from first sight, from the second that he had heard his friend's desperate struggle to draw enough oxygen into his lungs. The damp skin was burning underneath his fingers. 

"Mariah, call an ambulance." he said, his voice strangely calm. Obeying without question, Mariah raced off, hauling a sobbing Lynette with her. The sound of Kai's harsh, laboured breathing filled the room. It subtly changed pitch, and Kai opened his eyes and stared groggily up at Ray. Ray smiled encouragingly, hoping that the panic and fear consuming his mind weren't showing on his face.

"Ray…I…I don't…feel very…well…" Kai whispered weakly, looking helplessly up at the younger man. "I hate…feeling powerless…like this…" Ray's heart broke inside him as he reached out a hand and gently brushed a sweaty lock of hair away from Kai's forehead. He knew the amount that it must have cost Kai to admit weakness.

"It's okay, Kai, I promise, everything's going to be okay," he murmured ineffectively. Kai let out a broken, hacking laugh, a dribble of saliva and bloody phlegm spilling out of the corner of his mouth. With an effort, he wiped it away.

"You can't…promise that, Ray…no one can…" He laughed mirthlessly again, a painful, rough sound that sent him into a suffocating coughing fit. Ray tried to help him into a sitting position, but was pushed away ungraciously. "Leave me alone!" Kai snarled, sounding almost normal for those few seconds. "Just…leave me alone…" His eyes closed of their own accord, air hissing in and out of his lungs noisily. Ray sat silently next to him, silently praying to any and every deity he could think of. _Kai has to be fine, _he thought desperately_, He's the Ice-King, the one who survived more physical harm during beybattles than any of us. He can't…this can't be happening… _

He jumped as a hand descended lightly on his shoulder.

"Ray, the ambulance is here." Mariah whispered. Wordlessly, Ray moved away to let the paramedics past, watching numbly as they helped Kai get on the stretcher.

Kai's head lolled towards Ray, his expression panicky, bewildered.

"What's…going…" He trailed off, coughing violently. The paramedics tried to put an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, but he knocked it away, fear and confusion blazing in his lacklustre eyes. Ray moved quickly over to him, catching the frightened man's attention.

"Kai, calm down," he said quietly, in English. "You know what one of these is, don't you?" He held up the oxygen mask. Kai nodded reluctantly, shaking all over. "Will you let me put it on you?"

"If…you-" Ray, gently, ever so gently, placed his hand over Kai's mouth.

"Don't talk," he ordered, carefully putting the oxygen mask on the older man's face. Kai's eyes closed and he sighed softly as his breathing eased slightly.

* * *

Ray gazed out of the ambulance window, watching idly as the city flashed past. 

"Ray?" He turned around so quickly that he nearly fell, hurrying over to where Kai was stirring.

"Yes, Kai?" Kai's eyes were glassy and unfocused, directed at a point a little to the right of Ray's face.

"Ray…if my…heart stops…"

"That's not going to happen!" Ray stated defiantly. A flicker of dry amusement crossed Kai's chalk-white face.

"Don't be…so naïve…Ray…" he chided. "I want to….be resuscitated. I'm not…giving up…that easily." He closed his eyes and sucked in a few deep breaths, wincing in pain as he did so. "I decide…when it's over." His focus switched. "You hear me? I decide when…it's over, got…that?" Ray looked, nonplussed, at the patch of wall that currently held Kai's attention. His only guess was that Kai was talking to his grandfather, and the thought sent a jolt of alarm shooting through him.

_How on earth would Kai cope in a hospital?_

* * *

The doctor was talking too fast, with a thick Tianjin accent that was hard to follow without concentrating. Which Ray wasn't. He'd heard it all at least twice before. It all sounded terrifyingly serious. 

With an effort, he dragged his attention back to the present.

"-worried about Mr Hiwatari's breathing…possible incubation…see how he progresses…weakened immune system…bacterial pneumonia…medical files?" Ray blinked, racking his brains.

"I don't know the whereabouts of them, I apologise," he said politely.

"Do you know the names of anywhere where he has been treated?" Ray nodded and gave the name of the mental institute and also the name of the doctor who had diagnosed Kai's bronchitis. "Thank you. We will keep you informed of any developments." Thanking the doctor, Ray questioned him on the whereabouts of a phone. Receiving the location, he headed towards it.

* * *

Mariah stared anxiously into her husband's weary, saddened eyes. He held her gaze fleetingly, then looked away. He walked over to the sofa and sat down heavily on it, cradling his head in his hands. 

"How's Lynnie?" he asked hoarsely.

"She's okay. I finally got her to bed about an hour ago." Mariah sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulder, feeling the tense muscles begin to relax under her touch. Ray leaned back against her, his eyes half-closed.

"He's got bacterial pneumonia." Ray whispered suddenly. "They're having real problems finding an antibiotic to give him that won't react with any of his other medications. Apparently, the reason that he's been affected so badly is because one of his medications actually damages the immune system slightly, in addition to the fact that his lungs were already damaged from the bronchitis." His eyes were bleak. "When I left, they were just trying him on another drug, said they'd know by the morning whether it was effective or not." His breath caught in his throat. "He knows he's ill…he must have told me at least three or four times that if his heart stopped, he wants to be resuscitated. He said that _he_ wants to choose when he goes." Trembling with pent-up emotion, he stood and headed towards their bedroom. Abruptly, he stopped. "You go on up." Worried, Mariah opened her mouth to ask a question. "I'll be fine. Up you go." Uncertainly, she nodded and went upstairs, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"Night, Ray. See you when you come up," she whispered. The minute she was gone, Ray went to the drinks cabinet. Taking out a bottle of whiskey and a corkscrew, he sat down on the sofa. Within a few large gulps, the world begun to take on a fuzzier appearance; it was good whiskey, and he hadn't eaten in hours. He leaned back on the cushions and continued swigging directly from the bottle. He knew what he was doing was foolish, but he wanted to forget, more than anything else in the world, he wanted to forget seeing Kai Hiwatari brought that low.

While the alcohol warmed his stomach and distorted his vision, the remainder of his body remained deathly cold. Finally, slowly, the tears began to fall.

* * *

First of all, a massive round of applause for **though i choose death instead of pointless pain,** who somehow mananged to successfully guess that Kai was getting pneumonia! Well done!Congratulations!

I need your opinions here, my wonderful reviewers. This could end three ways at the moment.

1. Kai dies (unless this is an overwhelming majority, I'm not doing it)

2. Kai recovers, gets into a relationship (ie, some mention of Kai/OC)

3. Kai recovers, becomes a part of the Kon family, lots of lovely fluff.

You've got another chapter to go before I have to decide, so please; VOTE!

As usual, all feedback useful and very much appreciated. Please review, please vote, and I'll see you all again next chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

I'm so sorry I kept you all waiting so long! I had major writer's block! There's a tiny bit of Kai/Ray in this chapter, just a memory, but if you don't want to read it, just skip the bit in italics. It's nothing, no kissing or anything, but I just thought I'd better warn you.

Thanks to everyone who responded with what kind of an ending they would like! It's definitely looking like number 3 so far! I've had a couple of votes for number 2, and I just want to clear something up quickly. Remember, people, Kai is gay. At least three people asked for him to be put with Chang Juan - who is FEMALE! He is GAY! Anyway, now that's nicely cleared up, can I just say, thank you for not voting number 1! I would have written it, but wouldn't have enjoyed it! (Did anybody notice my subtle ploy in the last chapter to persuade you away from it?)

So, on with the fic!

* * *

Bright, glaring white lights bored into him like drills, intensifying the headache tenfold and making his eyes burn. Machines beeped and buzzed, luminescent ribbons of colour looping on the screens. Wires were everywhere, attached to clear plastic bags of liquid. The insistent noise of the heart monitor made him start with every loud beep. He supposed it should be reassuring, when in fact it was nothing of the sort. It reminded him too much of the last time he was in here, when Rosie's birth had gone horribly wrong, and it had been Mariah's heartbeat that had boomed throughout the silent, sterilised room.

Ray rubbed ineffectively at his throbbing temples, his stinging eyes taking everything in that _wasn't_ the pale, lifeless figure in the hospital bed. The feeling of nausea in his stomach increased and sharpened into a painful jab, as if his insides were being slowly twisted. He let out a soft gasp and clutched at his abdomen, waiting for the spasm to pass. The figure in the bed stirred, eyes slowly, painfully opening. Bloodshot honey met misty amethyst, the pupil noticeably dilated. Kai pulled weakly at the oxygen mask covering his lower face, relief flooding his face as he recognised Ray.

"You...look...like hell." he whispered hoarsely. Every word sounded like a tremendous effort. Ray smiled self-deprecatingly.

"Yeah, I feel even worse." he muttered. "What about you?"

"Mm...lotsa drugs..." Kai murmured, chuckling softly, moving his hand with the IV in it for proof. Ray nodded his head to show that he understood, then winced.

"Hell!" he hissed, clutching his throbbing head.

"Yeah." Kai agreed in a slurred mumble. "That's...what you...look...like." Ray scowled and came over to sit on the bed next to Kai, replacing the oxygen mask over Kai's thin, ashen face.

"Your fault." he accused, digging his knuckles into his closed eyes. "If you hadn't suddenly gone from being...well, _you_, to being this sick...weak...helpless thing... I wouldn't have wanted to block it out... wouldn't have drunk four bottles of whiskey over a lot of hours..." He stopped himself, colouring with embarrassment at his ramblings. A tear threatened to fall, stinging his eye like a loose eyelash. Kai blinked dreamily, his drugged mind slowly processing the little outburst.

"Twit..." he mumbled, his voice hopelessly muffled and distorted through the mask. "You...'kay?" Ray shrugged one shoulder. "How...long...been here...for?"

"A day, give or take a few hours." Ray said distractedly. "Not long."

"Long...enough for...you drink to...no, _to drink_...four..." Kai growled softly at his complete inability to form a coherent sentence and started coughing. "Stupid - drugs..." he choked out, his eyes half-closed and watery from the coughing fit. "How..." He trailed off again, the pain in his chest finally too much to stand. Ray put a calming hand on his forehead, feeling the fever still burning merrily away.

"How is everyone?" He completed the sentence. Kai nodded weakly, his eyes closed. "Rosie's fine, just a little upset that everyone else is upset, if that makes sense. Mariah's stressed and trying to pretend she doesn't care what happens to you - not that we've been talking much, I've been too drunk, I haven't gone to work, either - and Lynnie's worried about you, and scared out of her wits because our next door neighbours have just got a dog and she's inherited my cynophobia." Kai made a soft sound that sounded like a chuckle. Ray leant his head on his hand, his mind suddenly flying back, back to a time when he and Kai had been together.

_"Aw, look guys, isn't it cute?" Hilary squealed, petting the huge, lumbering St Bernard that had got loose from its lead. Max was the first to agree and move forwards, and - no Judy without Punch - Tyson was next. Nervously, with much coaxing from Tyson and Hilary, Kenny walked up to the dog and scratched it behind the ears. Within minutes, the massive furball was licking them all happily, letting out short snuffles of contentment._

_"Isn't it cool, you guys?" Max asked, looking over at Kai and Ray._

_"Cool." Kai said flatly. _

_Ray stared unblinkingly at the huge canine just a few feet away from him. He felt physically sick, rooted to the ground in pure fear. His mouth was dry, rapid breaths whistling over his parched tongue. The world seemed to whirl dizzyingly around him, his heartbeat thumping loudly in his ears. _

_"K-K-" His voice caught in his throat. The sudden inability to speak only intensified the feeling of unreality, of being trapped in some kind of horrifying nightmare. Suddenly, Kai's strong arms were around him, blocking out the sight of that monster. He collapsed, trembling, against Kai and started to cry, tears of mixed shame and fear._

_"Ray? Ray, what's the matter...okay, okay, hush, it's okay...ssh..." Kai's cool hand stroked his cheek soothingly. His head reeling, Ray pulled away and bent over, retching helplessly. Warm, sour bile spewed onto the ground. Kai caught him again and held him gently, rocking him like a frightened child._

_"D-Dog..." Ray stammered, by way of an incoherent explanation. "Big...dog..." Kai hushed him again, and he curled into a ball, his heartbeat gradually returning to normal. "Sorry..." he muttered eventually, wiping at his damp cheeks and colouring in humiliation. "I'm so sorry..."_

_"It's fine, Ray." Kai's hand caressed his hot face gently. "Do you feel better? Do you want me to call Mariah?" Ray shook his head. Breathing heavily, he burrowed into Kai's top and squeezed his eyes shut._

Ray took a moment to calm himself down, the fear coming back vividly, before something struck him.

"I forgot about that." he murmured, almost to himself. "Even with me in your arms, you still asked if I wanted Mariah..." Kai's eyelids fluttered open and he smiled wearily. Reaching out, he gave Ray's hand a feeble squeeze.

"Told you...knew...you were...taken..." His eyes closed again, and his grip on Ray's hand went limp. The nurse came in, a scolding look on her face.

"Sorry, Mr Kon, but Kai needs to rest. You've had well over the allotted time." Ray stood, his head pounding, thanked the nurse, and left quietly.

* * *

Rosa latched onto his leg, gazing up at him with big, pleading eyes that looked dangerously watery. 

"Where's Mummy and Kai?" she asked, her voice quavering. Ray bent down and swept his youngest daughter up in a comforting embrace.

"Mummy's at work, Rosie, remember?" The little girl nodded, placing a thumb in her mouth and snuggling up against his chest.

"Where's Kai?" she mumbled indistinctly.

"Kai's in hospital, kitten." Ray replied. "He's sick, isn't he?" Golden eyes blinked uncertainly, then she nodded slowly.

"Uh-huh... you mean like me and Mummy when I came out of Mummy's tummy?"

"Yes, just like that."

"Oh." Satisfied, Rosa wriggled to be let down. "Come watch telly with me!" she demanded, tugging on his trouser leg. Numbly, Ray allowed himself to be led to the sofa. As an overly cheerful, bright children's TV presenter came on screen, Ray let his eyelids droop closed. He looked like hell, he_ felt _like hell, he just wanted to sleep until everything was over...

* * *

"Ray? Ray, darling? Wake up, sweetheart, come on..." Groggily, he opened his heavy-lidded, gritty eyes and stared up at the pink blob that gradually morphed into Mariah's worried face. Her tense, anxious features relaxed into a scolding grin and she slapped him lightly on the cheek. "Dammit, you had me worried, Ray!" she exclaimed. "I come in from a _hellish_ day at work and find you asleep on the sofa still stinking of alcohol, and I couldn't wake you up-" Abruptly, tears began spilling from her eyes and trickling down her cheeks, her face contorting as she fought to hold back sobs. Alarmed, Ray sat upright and pulled her to him, stroking her head soothingly. 

"Ssh, it's okay, I'm fine." he whispered as she snuggled up to him, trembling like a leaf.

"I know, I know," Mariah mumbled in reply, her head buried in the crook of his neck. "I'm just stressed out, that's all..."

"Mummy okay?" Rosa asked anxiously, poking the jumbled pile of arms and legs and heads that looked vaguely like her parents and awaiting a response. Mariah's head popped up and she smiled reassuringly at the five year-old.

"I'm fine, Rosie. Where's Lynnie?"

"In the bedroom. Why?"

"Go and ask her what you both want for dinner tonight."

"Okay." Rosa scurried off. Seconds later, they heard her light footsteps thumping up the stairs. Touching his lips gently to Mariah's forehead, Ray yawned and stretched, standing up and grinning mischievously at his wife as she swore at him.

Fifteen minutes later, the whole family were in the kitchen. Ray and Mariah took turns cooking, and the girls took turns in hampering the chef's efforts and hiding behind the other parent, while giggling fit to burst. Nobody wanted to spoil the atmosphere and admit that it felt like something was missing.

* * *

"Kai Hiwatari? He's in room 24." Mariah nodded, thanked the receptionist and walked down the corridors, looking for the room number. Finding it after ten minutes of searching - courtesy of starting at the wrong end of the hospital - she knocked on the door and walked in. 

"What've you got against waiting 'til someone says you can come in?" Kai mumbled indistinctly, glaring weakly at her. "Bad as 'rvryone else in here…" He closed his eyes, gulped for breath. "Stupid…drugs…aren't…helping!" he grumbled breathlessly.

"You just need to give them a bit more time, Kai." Mariah said soothingly. "You've only been in here a few days."

"Yeah, like you know…what you're…talking about…" Mariah blushed slightly in embarrassment as Kai laughed, misting up the oxygen mask with the sudden exhalation. "You…got my…medication?" he asked eagerly. Mariah frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, have…you? 'Cause…I haven't." Shock, concern and anger all flashed through Mariah's mind in a split second, but she managed to bite her lip. Kai looked at her, blinking slowly in puzzlement. His face was deathly white with two patches of red high on his cheeks. His pupils were huge, his irises merely thin lines of violet surrounding the deep black circles. _He doesn't have his medication - what the **hell**? _Mariah fumed silently. Thankfully, Kai was too doped up to register the flicker of fury that crossed her face. She composed herself. He was too ill to be distressed. She would get to the bottom of this later. Oh yes, she most _definitely_ would.

"I'll sort that out for you, okay?" He nodded and yawned drowsily. "Shall I go now? You look like you could do with a sleep." Kai shrugged. "Is that a yes or a no?" Another shrug. "Hiwatari, drop the stupid pride act! Yes or no?"

"Mm…" Kai was barely awake. Mariah gave an annoyed sigh.

"Fine. I'm off. I'll come in when you're more awake." She turned to walk out the door.

"No…" The faint, breathy whisper stopped her mid-step. She looked over her shoulder, then sighed again, this time in defeat, and walked over to the semi-conscious man.

"What _now_?"

"Stay…please…" was all he said before finally falling asleep. Frowning and nibbling at her bottom lip, she sat down in a chair a little distance away and starting thinking hard.

She jumped slightly as Kai stirred next to her. His eyelids flickered open and shut a few times, but he settled back down again. Suddenly, the door opened and a nurse came in. Instantly, his eyes flew open and he tried to struggle up onto his elbows. Mariah was taken aback by the degree of panic in his eyes. The nurse smiled soothingly.

"Relax, Kai, I'm just going to check something, okay?" Judging by his alarmed expression, it was _not_ okay, but the young woman carried on regardless. Mariah sank her teeth viciously into her bottom lip to stop herself from saying someting she knew she'd regret.

As the nurse left, Kai let out a long, shaky breath and started coughing jerkily.

"Do you want a drink?"Mariah asked, noticing the jug and stack of paper cups that stood on a small table near her. Kai nodded curtly, too breathless to speak. Mariah poured him a cup full of water and handed it carefully to him. He took it, his hand shaking, then sat up to drink it.

"Wonder what...grandfather would say...if he saw...me like this?" he asked a few minutes later. Mariah stayed silent, wondering where this abrupt little question had come from. "I should just ask him, shouldn't I?" _That_ got her attention! "I've asked...him...stuff before."

"Wait," Mariah said slowly. "You mean you actually _talked_ to him? As in; held a _conversation_?" Kai nodded, a strange gleam in his eyes.

"Yeah. Crazy, huh?" He was very tense, Mariah noticed, the muscles in his arms and neck standing out like ropes. Suddenly, he grabbed his plastic cup and flung it against the wall. Water spilled everywhere. The movement was so violent and unexpected that it took Mariah completely by surprise.

Kai stared at the cup, his face mask-like. "Stupid thing. Plastic, Doesn't break." His speech was short and gasping, the Mandarin completely gone, only broken, Russian-accented English left. "Everything in here. Plastic. Nothing breaks." He laughed wheezily, as if at some private joke. "Nothing breaks." he repeated tonelessly. He rubbed his eyes in an oddly childlike fashion. "Don't like it here." he muttered, looking blankly up at Mariah. His eyes were suspicious, bewildered, the eyes of a frightened child. Maternal instincts suddenly in full flow, Mariah reached out a hand to try and calm him. He moved away instantly.

The words came faster now, nearly incoherent. "Haven't had medication for ages. Just stupid hospital drugs. Don't help. Nurses don't know. Nobody knows. Nobody helps. Come in, no knocking. No apologies. Never - " He broke off, the babble stopped by sheer need for oxygen. "Can't - breathe..." He fumbled for the oxygen mask and dragged it clumsily over his face, taking long, rasping gasps of the pure oxygen. Gingerly, Mariah laid a comforting hand on his arm. He looked at her in vague surprise. It took a while for recognition to flicker in his confused eyes. "Too many people, Mariah," he whispered hoarsely. His gaze, previously locked with hers with an intensity that made her feel distinctly uneasy, stared around the room, searching it obsessively. "Too...many." he mumbled. His eyes were dark with fear, seeing something other than the sterilised hospital room, his body trembling like a leaf. Mariah continued to stroke his arm helplessly, not knowing how much good she was doing, or even if he could feel her wherever he had gone.

The door opened loudly and three burly male nurses came barrelling in.

"Is he giving you trouble, m'am?" one of them demanded. Mariah stared blankly at them, her temper gradually rising degree by degree. "The guy's a nutter. Keeps ranting on about medication. I reckon he's a drug addict, personally." He waited for a response, unaware that the reason he wasn't getting one was that the pretty woman he was talking to was desperately restraining herself from trying to claw his eyes out with her own fingernails. Shrugging, the nurse moved forwards, nearer to Kai. His colleagues followed him, albeit nervously. "Now then, Kai, don't you go giving the lady any trouble!" He chuckled at Kai's unresponsiveness, playing up to his sudden role as know-it-all. "See? The guy should be down in the pyscho ward!" He patted Kai on the shoulder.

"Get - away - from - me." Each word was seperated by an indrawn breath. The nurse frowned slightly, but carried on, unfazed. "Don't worry, mate, I'm not going to eat you!" He patted Kai again. Violet eyes blazed.

"I said; get _away_!" The surprised nurse toppled to the floor, clutching his throbbing head. Kai reared up like a striking cobra, his eyes wild, the enlarged pupils more visible than ever. Within seconds, the bed was a whirlwind of flying arms and legs. The fight changed position as Kai fell off the bed, and grew in ferocity, made all the worse by the sound of Kai's hysterical screams.

"Get...away...from...me! Let go of me! Let go! Why...won't you...get off? I hate - this place! Just - leave me alone...please...I hate this...please...please, just...leave me alone..." Mariah watched helplessly as he went limp, crying with fright and shame. His hospital top had been partially torn, baring most of his more horrific scars to anyone who cared to look in. "Leave - me - alone." he mumbled jerkily, wiping a mixture of tears, mucus and saliva from his face and trying unsuccessfully to get back into bed. Mariah stood up and helped him gently back on the bed, tucking him in as she would Lynette or Rosa.

"Ssh, Kai," she murmured soothingly. "Go to sleep. Everything's fine now, okay?" The nurses shrank back as she turned to them.

Her head felt like it might explode with rage. There was quite literally a red mist in front of her eyes, and she was unconsciously flexing her hands threateningly. She scrabbled through her fogged mind for some coherent Mandarin that _wasn't_ an insult.

"Get me the doctor in charge around here." she ground out eventually. They all scurried to obey her. She needed Ray, she was too angry to think straight, let alone speak in a language she had problems with.

* * *

"Ray! You've got voicemail!" 

"Thanks!" Ray called back. Pushing his chair back, he stood up and headed for the phone. Pressing the button, he listened with growing concern to the message.

"Ray, it's Mariah, get over to the hospital right now. I need you to help me. Something's seriously wrong with how they're treating him." Mariah's tight, angry voice stopped. Ray stood there for a few seconds, then snapped into action. Picking up the phone, he called a taxi, then rung Lee's number. Rosa was staying with her Uncle Lee while both parents were out.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lee, it's Ray here. Listen, something's come up. I might need you to pick up Lynnie from school and keep them both for a bit, is that all right?"

"Yeah, sure, that's fine." Lee answered easily. "So, this is to do with Mariah, right?"

"Kind of..." Ray replied uncertainly.

"Okay, and Kai, right?" Lee had been informed on the whole Kai situation by Mariah a few weeks ago. Ray opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"Yes...how did you guess?" he asked slowly.

"Simple. They're the only two people you get really stressed about."

"Yeah, well, thanks for the analysis, Doctor Lee." Ray grumbled. "Anyway, I've got to go, taxi's here."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye." Ray grabbed his coat and hurried out the door.

* * *

The consultant stared at the fuming young woman opposite him nervously. They had been sitting in thick silence for about ten minutes now. Suddenly, the door opened and a tall, dark-haired young man came in. Instantly, the woman sprang up from her seat and went over to him, talking rapidly in what sounded like English, waving her hands around wildly. The consultant watched uneasily as the young man's handsome face filled with a cold anger, his eyes glittering with fury. He embraced the young woman - obviously his wife - briefly, and turned to face the consultant. 

"You have a patient named Kai Hiwatari in your charge, do you not?" he asked, every word tinkling with icy politeness. An accent was very slightly apparent.

"Yes, I do."

"Kindly explain to me why he has not recieved the medications that I sent in for him?" The consultant blinked, then smiled. Ah. He knew what this was about, and more importantly, he knew the answer.

"Kai is being given so many antibiotics and anti-inflammatorys that any other medication would possibly cause an adverse reaction that could very well kill him." he replied smoothly.

"Doctor, as much as I hate saying this, Kai is mentally unbalanced. By denying him his medication, you are putting his mental health in jeopardy. I demand that you give him them."

"Sir, the possible ramifications of such a move-"

"I really don't care, doctor. These are the facts. You will give Kai his pills, or I will sue you." The consultant's eyes widened. He looked properly at the couple, seeing their expensive clothes. "I have the money to do so." the young man said coldly. "I'm sure that Kai can come off some of those other drugs."

"Yes sir, of course, sir. I'll get it sorted immediately."

"We will stay here until you do." The consultant groaned mentally. This was going to be a lot of bother. "Is there a problem?"

"No, no, not at all...I'll get on it right away."

"You do that." the young woman said suddenly in thick, heavily accented Mandarin, her eyes narrowed threateningly. "You do that _right_ now."

* * *

The two of them looked through the clear glass pane in the door. Kai was sleeping. His head lolled to one side, fully exposing his mangled neck. His dark hair lay everywhere, making him look nearly the same colour as the pillow. Ray pushed open the door and went inside, swiftly followed by Mariah. 

He sat down in the chair near the bed and looked silently at the one-time team captain, one-time world-reknowned beyblader. Now what was he? He'd said it himself only a few hours ago. Mentally unbalanced. His heart ached at the thought of the torture that Kai must have been going through the past few days. Slowly, his hand shaking slightly, he reached out and took Kai's hot hand in his, squeezing it gently.

"I'm sorry, Kai," he whispered. "I should have realised this would happen." The was a light, almost indefineable pressure on his hand. Clearly, Kai wasn't completely asleep.

"He's being stupid, isn't he, Kai?" Mariah murmured from behind him, her voice choked with tears. "Just like that doctor. But don't worry. You're going to be okay. Promise."

"Promise." Ray repeated in a whisper. Leaning forwards, he kissed Kai's forehead lightly, gently easing his head over so that his ruined neck was hidden from sight. Mariah nuzzled into him comfortingly, suppressing the sudden spark of jealousy. She knew it didn't mean anything.

"Shall we go?" she asked softly, kissing his cheek tenderly. "Lee's probably fed up of the girls by now." Ray smiled and stood up.

"Yeah, probably. Bye, Kai. We'll be back soon." Kai's eyelids fluttered, and his lips moved weakly.

"Bye..." he mouthed through the oxygen mask.

"Bye." Ray said again, his voice suddenly croaky. Suddenly, Mariah ran fowards and hugged Kai very gently. Then they turned around and left.

* * *

Well? What did you think? This chapter did not go at all as I wanted it to, it headed in a completely different direction! There'll probably be about another two or three chapters to go, and then I can congratulate myself on finishing a story at last!

By the way, if anybody's waiting for an update on Foster care, I'm slowly, slo-owly getting over the writer's block I've had on that for the past, like, two months. I've written about a page so far.

Please review! Please!


	9. Chapter 9

Well, here I am again! Sorry about the long wait, writer's block was horrendus! Thank you to everyone who's reading this!

Enjoy!

* * *

Kai rubbed his forehead restlessly, the dull thump throbbing through his whole body depressingly familiar. That, fatigue, and the constant feeling of nausea was the price he had paid for recovering, for the inhuman amount of drugs that had been poured into his system for the past month and a half. There had been times when he had seen from the nurses' faces that they weren't expecting him to survive the night, especially when he had an allergic reaction to the penicillin. Intubation had been a frighteningly vivid possibility. Dying had also been on the cards. But he had clung on despite everything. That was what he did, he reminded himself with a thin smile, he surpassed people's expectations, pushed through the wall of reality and came out the other side to point at them derisively. 

Flinging the covers off, he slowly got out of bed. His head gave an extra painful throb as he attained verticality, but he ignored it and walked over to the window, staring out pensively. The rain pouring down matched his mood perfectly.

He had lost half a stone in the past ten weeks, a dangerous amount of weight considering how thin he had been to start with, and had been forcing extra food down in order to try and gain weight again. Hospital food wasn't a patch on Ray and Mariah's cooking, though. He had discovered the joy of eating again the first time that they brought him a homemade meal, an experience that he had thought would never happen to him again.

They had also brought him clothes. Very important. Hospital gowns were demeaning, ridiculous, and showed his neck. Absentmindedly, he tugged at the collar of his short-sleeved shirt, the first one that he had dared to wear in six years. The mauve lines that criss-crossed both wrists could be covered up with powder or foundation if he was feeling uncomfortable, but as everyone who came in to see him had seen them all before, he had decided just to try and put them out of his mind. Ha, out of his mind. Ironic. His lips twitched into a bleak, sarcastic smile. Damn right he was out of his mind. Who would want to be stuck in there?

His left hand found his necklace and he gripped it tightly, the edges of the box cutting into his palm. The sharp pain jolted him back into reality again, and he blinked a few times. Suddenly, something pink fastened itself round his leg with a shriek of delight. Bewildered and fighting the instinctive urge to lash out, he looked down to see Rosa's heart-shaped brown face beaming up at him. Smiling - the expression felt strange and unused - he bent down and let the five year-old fling her arms around him and squeeze as tight as she possibly could. Coughing, he eased her away a fraction, giving her a reassuring smile in response to her look of confusion.

"Be gentle, Rosie!" Mariah scolded from the doorway. Rosa rolled her eyes in an unmistakably Kai-like way. Kai let out a swift bark of laughter and stood up, lifting Rosa and putting her on the windowsill. She grinned happily and swung her legs playfully at him.

"Hi, Kai!" she yelled joyfully. Kai winced inwardly as his headache increased.

"Hello, Rose." he replied, smiling a little. Rosa grinned back, then started tracing a raindrop down the window with a look of intense concentration.

"Your hand's bleeding." Kai blinked and looked at the older female.

"Is it?" He distractedly wiped his cut palm on his jeans. Mariah stepped further into the room. "Where's Ray and Lyn?" he asked suddenly.

"Oh, we're not good enough for you, are we?" Mariah demanded, a smile pulling at her lips despite her best efforts. Kai shrugged. Mariah sobered up slightly and cast a quick look over to where her youngest daughter was humming happily to herself. "Dog scare." she whispered.

"Yeah, Daddy and Lynnie got scared by a dog," Rosa informed them from her window seat. "I'm not _stupid_, Mummy!" Mariah looked flustered. Kai laughed softly, and received a heated glare for his mirth. "And they had to lie down, and Lynnie was crying and Daddy was all yucky and white." Rosa pulled a face and pouted unhappily. "I don't know why they were so scared, either! Mummy wasn't!" She gazed trustingly up at her mother. "Were you, Mummy?" Mariah smiled reassuringly.

"Of course not, sweetie." Rosa grinned and went back to staring out of the window. Kai looked at Mariah and raised an eyebrow. Mariah mouthed _"I was!"_ nodding vigorously. "It was quite a _big_ dog, though, wasn't it, darling?" she said carefully. Rosa shrugged.

"Yeah, I s'pose." Kai bit back laughter at the little girl's careless reply.She jumped down from the windowsill and went over to Mariah, holding her arms up in a silent plea for a hug. Grumbling good-naturedly, Mariah bent down and hoisted the child up.

"You're getting too heavy, Rosie!" she complained. Shifting her daughter to a more comfortable position, she stared at Kai, who summoned up all his remaining strength and glared back. Mariah narrowed her eyes calculatingly, nodding in grim satisfaction when Kai dropped his gaze. "How are you holding up, Kai?" she asked quietly.

"Fine. Who said I wasn't?" he snapped.

"Your face." Mariah replied, matching his sharp tone with her own.

"Faces can be misleading."

"I'm sure they can, but yours isn't!" Kai muttered a curse in Russian and turned away as he began coughing. He stopped, breathing raggedly. Nausea swelled in his stomach, hot bile burned in his throat and it took everything he had to stop himself retching.

"Kai? You okay?" Rosa asked anxiously, her large golden eyes fixed on the tall, gaunt figure. Kai nodded, not trusting his voice yet.

"Like hell you are!" he heard Mariah mutter angrily under her breath. Seconds later, he felt a soft, warm hand on his forehead. "Kai, go to bed," Mariah ordered. "Right now."

"I'm not a kid, Mariah!" Kai protested.

"Am I supposed to care? You'll do what I say, right _now_!"

"What if I don't?" Kai inquired, smirking through the pain in his stomach and head. To his shock, Mariah didn't come back with a snappy retort. Instead, she put both arms around him and held him tightly. He squirmed uncomfortably, but she ignored him.

"When will you _learn_?" she asked in an exasperated whisper. "It's not a crime to feel ill, Kai."

"I don't," Kai had one, last try. "It's just a headache, and I feel sick, that's all." Brushing aside his feeble protests, Mariah physically pushed him back into his bed. Grumbling audibly - but secretly glad to feel the soft pillow under his head - Kai rolled over to face the wall. He closed his eyes and was asleep in seconds.

* * *

Kai yawned as he headed towards the toilets, coming out into a ward and contemplating covering his ears at the sudden increase of noise. 

_Why did they have to put the toilets straight through the paediatric ward? _he groaned silently. Suddenly, the sound of running footsteps reached him. _Oh…sh- _

"KAI!" The delighted shout silenced the constant babble and made children and adults alike look up. Kai nearly overbalanced as two children-coloured streaks wrapped themselves around his legs. _What is it with kids and my legs? _he complained mentally, remembering Rosa's identical assault on them two days ago. _Does everyone under the age of ten cherish a hidden desire to watch me fall over?_

"Morning," he said to the ward at large. "It _is_ morning, right?" He addressed his question to the limpets that were attached to his legs. The two girls nodded enthusiastically. "Come on, shrimps, I need to move!" That seemed to be cause for every mobile child in the room to burst out into giggles and mob him.

"Well, now you _can't_ move!" a triumphant eight year-old announced, grinning evilly. Kai looked down at the red-headed boy and then at the eleven other children all clustered around him.

"You think?" He raised an eyebrow. Twenty-four eyes stared at him challengingly.

"Yeah!" one of them yelled, before bursting into a fit of the giggles. Kai shook his head in playful despair.

"Oh, stupid little shrimps…" He sighed. "So, how old am I?" There was a universal silence and wrinkling of foreheads.

"Twenty-five!" came a squeak from somewhere amidst the pile.

"Good, that puts me at about two decades older than most of you annoying little brats down there. Ow!" He glared down at a tiny boy who had promptly sunk his teeth into Kai's leg.

"Me not brat!" the boy declared. Kai glared at him silently. It wasn't the full-on, arctic glare that had reduced people worldwide to cringing tears, he would rather be humiliated a thousand times over than use that on anyone under the age of sixteen, but still enough to make the boy back away very slowly.

"You're whatever I want to call you." he said dismissively. He returned his attention to the fact that he was immobilised. "Now then, I'm older than you, stronger than you and taller than you, so you all have exactly ten seconds to move before I start using physical force. One, two, three four, five, six, seven, eight, nine..." Children ran, screaming delightedly, to the four corners of the room a split second before he said "Ten." Smirking in a satisfied way, Kai walked quickly through the ward.

Entering the large room again on his way back, he noticed a boy of approximately twelve years staring at him belligerently. Intrigued despite himself, he walked over.

"Am I _that_ interesting?" he asked challengingly.

"Yeah, you wish!" the boy shot back. "You anorexic or summing? You look like a scarecrow!" He laughed at his own joke. Kai remained silent, folding his arms across his chest and settling against the wall. "What, you need the wall to hold you up now?" Kai rolled his eyes.

"I'm not in the mood to be insulted by some puny little worm who thinks that verbally abusing people is clever, just so that you know." he said coldly. The boy shrugged.

"Not my problem." Kai could feel his temper, never very far from the surface nowadays, rising slowly, like a massive shark emerging from the depths. Turning away with an annoyed sigh, he began to walk back to his room. "Everyone said the great Kai Hiwatari went mad," the boy called after him. "Never thought I'd see it for myself."

Kai stopped dead. Shock whirled through his mind as he stared blindly at the wall. How did he know, how _could _he know? He would have only just started school when…_it_ had happened. _Impossible_. he thought dazedly.

"Pity you quit blading. But then, Dranzer was never really all that powerful, was she? More like a parrot, all show and no substance."

Before Kai knew what he was doing, he found himself back by the boy's bed, one hand flat on the bed either side of the boy's chest, his face bare inches away from eyes that were slowly losing their cocky gleam. Fury unlike anything he had ever felt thrummed through him and he found himself wishing for Dranzer back, just to share this wonderful new source of power with her. Blood started pounding through his head.

The entire ward was silent. Tension hung so thickly in the air it could almost be heard, a faint, high keen on the edge of hearing. Kai stared into the terrified boy's eyes, fighting the urge to rip him to shreds. Finally, he found his tongue. Rage slowed his speech, made him stumble and search for the correct words.

"When you can…cope with part of your heart being…ripped out of your chest, with knowing that the one thing that you…love and treasure above anything else in the world is gone…then, _then,_ you can say that to me." Tears stung his eyes. Every muscle in his body was rock-hard, his biceps standing out like ropes against his pale skin. The boy made as if to say something, but Kai cut him off with a threatening movement. "You talk to me again, you so much as _look _at me again, and I'm going to make you regret it for the rest of your miserable life. Got that?"

"Y-Yes…" The boy looked as though he was debating crying. Turning away with a violent, jerky movement, Kai walked as fast as his legs would go towards his room.

Inside the security of the room, he paced from end to end. Fury flowed like lead through his veins, making everything feel heavy and slow. There was a horrible, tight feeling in his chest that had nothing to do with either pneumonia or bronchitis. His hands were clenched into tight, shaking fists, rapid, violent tremors that shuddered up his arms until his head rang and buzzed and felt as though it was being squeezed in a vice. _Dranzer…oh, Dranzer… _Coughs exploded like gunfire from his mouth, his raw throat, and threw him to his knees.

Breathing heavily, he slowly stood and surveyed his room with something close to loathing. It was too small, too sterile. Too familiar, and not in a good way.

"I want out of here." he murmured. The notion flashed through his mind to simply walk out, leave this dreadful place behind him. His eyes lit up as he considered it, considered walking through the door and going home. He took a step towards the door, then stopped, his new-found enthusiasm draining away as if someone had just pulled the plug out. He couldn't…he wouldn't dare. Not after what had just happened; the mother of that boy was probably working up to confront him, and so she should. He had made so many mistakes in his life, run from so much and hidden it behind a mask of cold indifference. No more. He didn't have the energy or the control to make another mask. "I can't hide anymore," he whispered. "I know what I am. Maybe it's time everyone else did as well." A bitter smirk twitched at the corner of his mouth. "Time Ray knew what he got away from."

A few minutes later, he sat cross-legged on his bed, fingering an old friend, back from his mental institute days. A toothbrush, the end of it bitten and picked at until it was nothing more than a sharp, bloodstained point. A point that had criss-crossed his wrists and plunged into his chest until he had a big enough hole for his hand to reach in and break off the rib. His neck…now, that had been different.

Those bloodstains belonged to his beautiful beyblade. His Dranzer. The magnificent phoenix had tasted his blood, swam in it as rivers of crimson poured from slashed veins.

Idly, he turned the object in his thin fingers. He wouldn't use it; of course not. It was just good to know that all the options were still there, that was all. Still available.

There came a knock at the door. Kai's lips moved to form the words "Come in," but no sound came out. The door opened, even the slight creak sounding cautious.

"Kai, what are you _doing_?" Slowly, Kai moved his aching head to gaze up at Ray's shocked, fearful face.

"Keeping my options open." he replied. Concern replaced horror in Ray's handsome face, and he sat down next to Kai. A tentative arm slid around his shoulders. Kai smiled almost lazily and twirled the toothbrush round and round in his hand. "Could I do it again?" he asked himself, talking to himself. A sign of madness: a little late in coming, wasn't it? "Yes." The answer was firm, sure. Ray, his face unusually pale, asked the inevitable next question.

"Would you?" Kai let the silence stretch out, feeling Ray's arm around him getting progressively tenser. Turning, he met the frightened, uncertain eyes of his one-time lover. Ray stared back, somehow projecting a calm, reassuring aura even through the turmoil he was clearly going through. Kai smiled again and shook his head slowly.

"Would I?" he asked softly. He threw the bloodstained stick up in the air and caught it deftly, placing the point against his wrist, on top of the blue-green vein. "No. Never again." A smile spread across Ray's face, transforming it utterly and he put his arms around Kai in a warm embrace. Kai closed his eyes and allowed his head to drop onto Ray's shoulder in the same way Mariah did, the same way that Lynette and Rosa did. Silently, he slid the toothbrush into his pocket, intending to dispose of it later. "Ray?" he whispered, unconsciously fiddling with the soft, silky waves of Ray's hair in a habit that hadn't been forgotten in eight years.

"What?" Ray asked.

"I messed up, Ray." His breath caught in his throat, and it wasn't a cough. "I really messed up." Ray stayed silent, which was good. Right now, he couldn't cope with an interruption "I nearly hit a boy today. A kid. Threatened him." Ray shifted positions slightly, the movement a silent question that Kai understood instantly as _Why? _"He insulted Dranzer. I can't even remember what he said anymore. But I was so…_angry_. It felt like boiling alive, and the only thing that would make me simmer down was seeing that boy screaming. If we had been alone, I would probably have killed him." He heard Ray gasp.

"Don't say that, Kai!" Kai laughed, or tried to; the sound that erupted from his mouth was harsh and grating, bubbling with self-hatred.

"It's all true, promise. I thought about leaving, you know. Just walking out, there and then I'm recovered now, anyway, they're just keeping me in to mess around with my dosages. I hate it in here." A long, shuddering sigh juddered from his ever-painful throat. "Everyone's scared of me because I'm gay and on anti-psychotic drugs. Nurses, doctors, other patients…you name it. The only people who actually meet my eyes are in the paediatric ward, and that's because the kids in there have some kind of fascination with me. Now I've destroyed even that, no-one's going to let me out of this damn _room _without a bloody escort to make sure I don't go psycho again!"

He felt strange. Shaky, light-headed, nausea whirled around in his stomach. It was because he wasn't in full control of himself that he said what he said just then. The second the words had left his lips, he wanted to curl up and die. He was a coward. A pathetic hypocrite who couldn't even stick to his word for more thana few mintues.

But it was out now. No going back. No recovering his pride; what was left of that pathetic vestige of a former life. What did he have to be proud about nowadays? An image of the discarded toothbrush swam into his mind and he cringed.

"Ray? Get me out of here." His voice cracked. "Please."

* * *

Nobody moved. Three pairs of golden eyes stared, stretched wide in astonishment. Kai let his own amethyst eyes travel over them and gave them a tired smile. Ray's hand rested reassuringly on his back, invisible to the others. 

"Can I come in?" he demanded, making an effort to sound brusque as normal. Two small bodies thumped into him, nearly sending him flying. _Straight at my legs again, what is it about me and children? _he wondered as he reached down ruffle the two soft mops of hair.

Mariah stared at Kai. Out of the hospital, he looked even thinner, his bones visible beneath white, papery skin, dark, bruise-like shadows under his eyes showing his tiredness. Her daughters were hugging him as though they hadn't seen him at least once a week, and Lynette was crying silently. Behind him stood her husband, the love of her life, his beautiful eyes pleading with her. Yet, he stayed silent, knowing that this was not his battle to fight.

Inexplicably, the familiar, decade-old memory surged up in her so powerfully that she winced and fought back tears. _Galux… _her thirteen year-old self wailed. Swallowing, she blinked away a few tears.

"I'm sorry, Mariah." She jerked her head up where it had drooped, glaring fiercely at the gaunt man who stood in front of her. She didn't need his pity, and he didn't need hers, that was the deal! Her children gazed up at her, wide-eyed, bewildered as to why she hadn't let everyone inside yet.

"Why did you come back?" she demanded, forcing herself to speak pitilessly, harshly. Kai shrugged one shoulder, a faint smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth.

"I like it better here." he answered simply. Lynette turned a tearstained face upwards.

"Why?" she asked curiously.

"Nobody liked me in there." Kai explained with a dry, sardonic smirk.

"What makes you think we like you in here?" Mariah demanded. Part of her wondered what she was doing, but the rest of her was spitting with sudden anger, with maternal protectiveness, with the knowledge that this was her last stand before she gave in and let him back into her house for good. Kai raised an eyebrow speculatively.

"Well, they like me," He gestured to the girls, who both nodded furiously. "He's never stopped liking me. I don't deserve it but hey, I'm not complaining." Ray rolled his eyes and punched Kai lightly on the arm. Mariah felt her resolve tremble as Kai fixed his intense gaze on her and her alone. This was the Kai she knew and remembered. In total control of everything, manipulating people and events to suit him. "So, what about you?" Kai asked indifferently.

Mariah felt as though the floor was crumbling away from underneath her. A sudden, vicious desire for revenge welled up inside her, but at that second, Kai swayed slightly, his eyes losing their focus. In that second, he dropped all his barriers and she saw what was lurking under the weary, yet confident façade.

An exhausted, frightened little boy peered up at her from the depths of those shadowed eyes, too proud to throw himself at her feet and beg for security, for the knowledge that he was loved at last. Mariah's resolve broke in two. Shrugging, she moved aside, leaving the doorway clear.

"Get in, then." she snapped. "You didn't come all this way to stare, did you?" Without a word, Kai walked past her, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. Rosa and Lynette hurried after him, chattering excitedly. She turned to face Ray, who covered the distance between them in one stride and pulled her into an embrace. They kissed deeply. Mariah drew back and nuzzled into Ray's chest with a soft sigh. "I better not have made a mistake." she grumbled. Ray laughed and kissed her again.

"We'll see, shall we?" he asked, stroking her head lovingly. "Right now, let's go inside. I'm starving."

"And that affects me _how_?"

"_Mariah…_" Ray complained.

"Shut up. You sound like Rosie." Sliding an arm around her waist, Ray physically dragged her indoors.

"Food, please." he said politely but with that look in his eyes that she could never turn down. Sighing, she headed for the kitchen.

"Girls! Kai! I'm making food for the walking stomach here, want some?" Muttering joking curses under her breath as the orders came in, she turned on the cooker.

"Family life…what a joy…"

* * *

All opinions welcome! This is the penultimate (second-to-last) chapter, just so you all know. I would type more here, and I _did_, but stupid fanfiction wouldn't let me save it! (is furious) 

I might split the last chapter up, have bits of it centered on all five of them in turn...(starts thinking)

Okay, please, please review!


	10. Chapter 10

Well, this is the final chapter! (squeals) It's very, _very_ long (about 12 pages) and I'm incredibly proud of it, but it's quality over quantity after all, so I'll let you lot be the judge!

Please read on!

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Chattering to her best friend, Fang Yin, Rosa joined the throng of five year-olds pouring out of the large city school. Excited cries rang out around her as her classmates loudly recounted their day to their parents and older siblings. Wandering away from the noisy group, she looked around for Mummy. Or maybe it was Uncle Lee, he picked her up sometimes…

Her golden eyes widened and she blinked in surprise.

"Uncle Kai?" she tried cautiously. The tall figure a few metres away grimaced.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that, Rose? It makes me sound like some fat balding guy with a beer belly." Rosa burst into delighted giggles and dashed to Kai.

"Mummy says to call you Uncle Kai!" she said reproachfully.

"Your mother says more than her prayers…" Rosa screwed her face up in confusion.

"Mummy says prayers?" she inquired, puzzled, sighing happily as Kai finally bent down and hugged her properly. "That's better!" she scolded. "You never hug me properly!"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Yes! _Everyone_ likes hugs! Even Mummy and Daddy!"

"I don't want to think about Mummy's reaction if I tried to hug her, thank you very much." The chest that Rosa was comfortably resting her head against jerked as Kai coughed a few times, laughing at his own joke, then carried on talking as if nothing had happened. "So, enthral me with the delights of your day." Rosa stared blankly at him. Violet eyes closed as Kai chuckled softly and stood up. Rosa grumbled inaudible insults at the abrupt conclusion of the hug. "How was your day?"

"I knew that!"

"Of course you did…"

"I _did_!"

"Do you see me arguing?"

"Oh… be quiet… stupid Kai!" Rosa exploded at last, folding her arms and pouting. Kai had that horrible, far-away expression on his face again. Mummy and Daddy didn't like it either, so it _had_ to be bad. "You okay?" she demanded, tugging on his arm.

"Of course… Why wouldn't I be?" She scowled and pointed up at his face, scowling again as he felt his neck.

"No, stupid! Not your neck! Your face! You look all…_yucky_." she pronounced at last, becoming even more annoyed with her inability to find a word that described that particular expression. Kai bent down and she squealed in shock as she was lifted up.

"Stupid and yucky, am I?" Kai demanded, his pale face mere inches from hers. She nodded. "Whatever. Now then." He looked around, the far-away expression growing to one that almost looked afraid. Rosa stared as well, through the crowds of children and their parents, trying to find what was scaring him.

"You okay?" She poked him, hard. He shook his head sharply.

"Fine. Just went a bit funny there, nothing to worry about." Rosa narrowed her eyes in a conscious imitation.

"Why would I worry about _you_?" She dissolved into fits of hysterical giggles.

"Rose, don't listen to your mummy so much…" Kai muttered.

"…Kai stupid…" the little girl choked out.

"Rose stupider… Please tell me I didn't just say that…" Kai groaned in disgust, much to Rosa's amusement.

"Am not!

"Oh, you are."

"Am not!

"I refuse to get into this argument."

"…Am not!"

"I give up."

"I win! Ha ha, Kai's stupid!" Laughing, Rosa followed Kai as he strode out of the playground, muttering darkly to himself. "Why isn't Mummy picking me up?"

"She's working today."

Nodding at the information, Rosa glanced quickly at Kai and started sprinting, giggling happily. She squealed in shock as Kai covered the distance between them in two long strides and scooped her up.

"Don't run." he said severely. She pouted.

"Whyyyyyy?" she whined, drawing out the word for maximum effect.

"Because I say so." She poked him defiantly. "And because if you run across roads without looking, you'll probably end up as a little bloody smear on the bottom of a tyre." Rosa screwed her face up in disgust.

"Ew, _blood_." Kai put her down, muttering something along the lines of "You're so like your mother it hurts..."

"I know that!" Rosa sang out smugly. Skipping ahead, she turned around and poked her tongue out at Kai. "Come on, slowcoach!" Kai folded his arms, his face suddenly stern, and gave her a cool stare. _Enough messing around,_ that look said flatly. He jerked his head to one side, and obediently, Rosa scampered up to him. With a slightly timid smile, she grabbed his hand and threaded her small fingers through his. "Slowcoach." she whispered. There was a slight pause, then she felt the hand loosely clasped around hers tighten.

"Slowcoach." Kai agreed, deadpan.

--------------------

Waving her legs backwards and forwards in the air, Lynette leafed idly through her school reading book. Stretching out on her bed, she decided to give in at last. Reading might be a good thing to do while she was waiting for Mummy or Daddy to come home, but it was so _boring_! And Rosie was asleep, so she had to have her beside lamp on instead of the big light, which made reading hard anyway.

Dropping the book carelessly on the floor, she yawned widely and stood up. Casting a quick glance at the clock, her lips spread in a delighted grin. 7:30. Mummy should be back any time around now. Tiptoeing gingerly out of the room that she shared with her sister, she hurried down the stair, determined to be ready to greet Mummy as she came through the door. She settled herself comfortably on the bottom step and waited patiently.

"Mummy!" Lynette hurtled up and flung herself into Mariah's arms, nuzzling into her mother's ample chest with a happy sigh. Raising her head for a kiss, she began to chatter at high speed, leaving Mariah to make interested noises and head for the coffee machine in the kitchen.

"Careful, sweetheart, I'm holding hot coffee here. You don't want to get burnt." Lynette wriggled to one side on Mariah's lap obediently. "So, how was your day? Good?" Lynette nodded.

"Uh-huh. The teacher said I was the best in my class at my three times table!" she declared proudly.

"Oh, that's brilliant! Well done, Lynnie!" Lynette squirmed bashfully as she was enveloped in a one-armed hug.

"Thanks, Mummy." she mumbled, her voice muffled. She yawned again, a long, loud jaw-cracker that made her eyes water. Her mother laughed softly.

"I think it's time that someone went to bed, isn't it?"

"No!" Lynette scowled and crossed her arms stubbornly.

"Yes. You've got school tomorrow, and you haven't been sleeping well for ages."

"In a _minute_…" Lynette moaned. "I want to say good night to Kai!" She giggled as her mother sighed.

"Okay, off you go." Mariah straightened her legs and Lynette slid down them, landing with a bump on the floor.

"Ouch." she said matter-of-factly, scrambling to her feet and hurrying out of the kitchen.

Jumping up onto the sofa, she prodded Kai.

"What 'cha reading?" she asked curiously.

"A book. Shouldn't you be going to bed?"

"Yup, but I wanted to ask you something first. Can I?" She looked beseechingly up at Kai as he coughed softly.

"Go ahead." Encouraged, Lynette curled up next to him. Reaching out, she touched the ruined side of his neck gently. He flinched, but didn't make ay attempt to pull away.

"Are you okay now?" she whispered. He grunted in incomprehension and turned to face her, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

"What do you mean, Lyn?" She looked away, her seven year-old vocabulary struggling to cope with the vague feelings swirling around inside her.

"Well, first, you ran away, and then I found you, and you were saying all that freaky stuff about bungee-jumping and things, and then I had that nightmare and came and woke you up, and then you were really poorly and went to hospital for ages…"

"That wasn't your fault." She paused.

"Yeah… Yeah, I know that. But, you are okay now, aren't you? I mean, you're still coughing lots and taking lots and lots of pills and stuff, but… You're mostly fixed, aren't you?" He laughed and ruffled her hair gently.

"I'm mostly fixed." he agreed. "Were you scared when I was talking nonsense and in hospital, then?" Sheepishly, Lynette nodded. "Don't worry, Lyn. I won't ever scare you like that again."

"Really?" Lynette demanded sceptically. "Cross your heart and hope to die?"

"Well, I hope I won't, but yeah, that's about it." She smiled happily as he solemnly drew a cross over his heart with his right index finger. "Now, bed." She wriggled face down into the cushions and shook her head furiously.

"I don't _want_ to!" she declared.

"Tough cookies, missy." She gave a sleepy groan as Mariah lifted her up. "Oof, you're too heavy for this."

"'yam not!" she mumbled, burying her face in Mariah's neck. "Night night, Kai."

"See you tomorrow, Lyn."

"Mmph…" Closing her eyes, Lynette allowed herself to drift off, finally reassured. _Kai's fixed…_ she thought dreamily.

--------------------

Yawning, Mariah stumbled downstairs. Turning on the kitchen light in preparation to get Ray and the girls' packed lunches ready, she clapped both hands over her mouth to stifle a scream of surprise. Violet eyes regarded her with just a hint of belligerence.

"Calm down, Mariah. I'm not that shocking, am I?" Quickly recovering her composure, Mariah glared at him furiously.

"You're not exactly what I want to see first thing in the morning!" _At least he's dressed. I really would have screamed if that waist-upwards mess was what I'd seen._

"Believe me, the feeling's mutual."

"Oh… shut the hell up, why don't you?" she snapped, after floundering for a comeback. He smirked.

"Someone's PMS-ing again…"

"If that's the only insult you can think of, then I suggest you stop trying." Mariah retorted hotly.

"Oh, I'm hurt." He was enjoying this, Mariah noted with a sense of rising fury, his eyes alert and slightly mischievous, a certain relaxation about his mouth.

"You will be in a minute!" she threatened. He had the arrogance to chuckle.

"Empty threats, Mariah, empty threats." She boiled silently and stalked past him, heading for the fridge. She heard him laugh shortly. "Wouldn't Ray be disappointed in us?" he commented dryly.

_Wouldn't he just? _Mariah thought guiltily. Out loud, she said testily; "Well, it's not like he didn't expect it. It's not our fault he thought we could all get along like one big happy family. Speaking of which," She rounded on him, the hand that wasn't holding a slab of cheese placed firmly on her hip, "What are you doing, fully dressed at half past six in the morning?"

"Slow aren't you?" Kai muttered. She ignored him.

"Well?" He sighed and stood up, towering over her even in his slightly stooped position, caused by sitting in one position for too long.

"Mariah, you know I don't sleep well." he said reproachfully. "I'm lucky if I get four hours a night, and then what do you expect me to do for the remainder of the night? Stay cooped up in my room like a disobedient kid?"

"Sounds good to me." She ginned. He rolled his eyes.

"Well, not me." He stretched and turned to leave. Something caught Mariah's eyes and almost before she registered it, her hand had shot out and closed on Kai's wrist. "What _now_?" he groaned. Silently, Mariah trailed a finger up his arm, stopping on a small wound near his shoulder, the edges crusted with dried blood.

"How did that get there?" she inquired, her voice slightly hesitant. A look of puzzlement in his eyes, Kai twisted his neck round - grimacing with the effort - until he could see what she had pointed out. Watching his eyes suspiciously, Mariah saw none of the guilt that she had been expecting.

"I don't know." His tone reflected genuine bewilderment. "It's only a tiny cut, leave it be." He shrugged off her hand.

"You sure you don't know anything about it?" Mariah demanded. "Something that you might've done without noticing?" She let out a cry of shock as Kai took her by the upper arms and pinned her effortlessly to the kitchen counter. Anger smouldered deep in his eyes as he stared at her.

"I have no idea how that got there, and if you think for one _second_ that I would relapse into self-harming again, you know less than I thought you did." His voice was icy-cold and disapproving. No real anger there on closer examination, just irritation and disappointment that she could ever think such a thing. Temper flared up inside Mariah at that steady, cold look, and she returned it with a heated glare of her own.

"You can't blame me for suspecting!" She breathed a silent sigh of relief as he let go and her and stepped back.

"I could." he said, offhandedly. Unexpectedly, he smiled at her, a quick, small smile. Mariah turned away, hiding a returning smile and started bustling around looking for sandwich ingredients.

"You're incorrigible!" she declared loudly.

"Yeah." The kitchen descended into a not-all-together comfortable silence. Unpredictably, Kai broke it. "Well, isn't this awkward?" he said casually. Mariah refrained from replying, her smile broadening at the unusual occurrence of Kai feeling uncomfortable. The silence lengthened and became decidedly uneasy. Cursing mentally, knowing that Kai was playing with her, Mariah spoke.

"It doesn't help that we don't exactly have much in common." Damn that man, she could practically _feel_ the smugness coming off him.

"Apart from b-" He swallowed. "-beyblading." He was smirking; she could hear it in his voice. "And we've both slept with Ray." Mariah rolled her eyes.

"You, once maybe." Calmly she continued slicing tomatoes to put in Ray's sandwiches.

"Ah, good times. Good fuck, too." Her hand tightened somewhat around the knife. "No wonder we're constantly arguing. It's the equivalent of you living with an ex-girlfriend." Mariah ground her teeth together. Suddenly, the question that had been simmering inside her since the day that Kai had turned up on their doorstep burst out.

"Kai, do you still like Ray? You know…"

"As in; sexually attracted?" Mariah scowled, ducking into a cupboard to check the whereabouts of Lynette's lunchbox.

"I was thinking more love, but whatever suits you…" she muttered darkly. "So?" She turned, the knife still in her hand, to face Kai, who was leaning back on his chair and staring distantly at the ceiling. Hearing her, he settled the chair back onto all four legs and shrugged.

"Two different things, aren't they?" he commented. "Lust and love. You really want an answer, huh?" _What do you think?_ Mariah snarled mentally. "Okay, okay." He broke off in a brief fit of coughing. "Am I sexually attracted to him still?" Mariah gritted her teeth again. Kai's habit of addressing questions to himself drove her up the proverbial wall.

"Get on with it!" she snapped. Kai smirked wickedly.

"You know what? I don't think I am." Mariah blinked, taken aback so badly that speech momentarily deserted her. Deep down, she had always thought that Kai still lusted after her husband.

"Really?" she asked uncertainly.

"Really." Kai repeated dryly. "As a matter of fact, I think I've forgotten what sexual attraction feels like." He laughed.

"Stop playing around, Kai!"

"I'm-" He coughed again, harder and longer than before. "-not." he finished at last. "I still love Ray, but it's different now. It's… oh, I can't explain it properly." He waved one hand in an exasperated fashion. "Never mind. You don't need to feel threatened, anyway."

"I don't!" Mariah denied hotly, her cheeks flushing with the lie. Kai stared at her, into her, in a way that he hadn't done for months.

"Of course not." he agreed pleasantly.

"Of course not!" Mariah repeated loudly, turning away hurriedly, her cheeks deep scarlet. "Why would I ever feel threatened by _you_?" Kai started laughing, stopping only to cough violently.

"No idea, Mariah." he choked out. Mariah glared at him, and then swept past, heading for the bin.

"Very funny, I'm sure. Have you noticed your cough gets worse when you laugh?"

"Are you trying to imply something here?"

"Take what you want from it, I really don't care." Mariah said airily. With a long-suffering groan, Kai stood and waked out of the kitchen. "Oh, and when was the last time you shaved? Personally, I don't think a beard suits you." Laughing softly as she heard Kai growl something darkly under his breath as he ascended the stairs, she busied herself finishing up the lunchboxes and making breakfast.

--------------------

With his mind still half in dreamland; Ray pushed open the bathroom door. Vaguely, he registered that Kai was standing in front of the sink, swearing and holding numerous bits of toilet roll to numerous bleeding bits of his face.

"Kai, by twenty-five, you're supposed to know how to shave." he mumbled, yawning. Kai glared at him.

"Shut up." he snapped. Ray raised his eyebrows.

"You're in a bad mood today." he noted.

"Oh, congratulations, give the man a medal." Kai muttered. Putting his razor down with more force than was perhaps necessary, he left the bathroom abruptly. Blinking sleepily, Ray stared after him for a few seconds, then yawned and shrugged. Kai had his days of temper. The best thing to do was just let him get over them in his own time.

Decidedly more awake, he went into the kitchen and grinned at his daughters, who both grinned back and yelled garbled versions of "Daddy!", their speech somewhat affected by the fact that they both had full mouths. Wandering over to where Mariah stood with her back turned, he put his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Morning." he whispered, kissing her neck.

"Ray, you're in my way…" she complained light-heartedly. Ray laughed softly and drew away, heading for the table and hugging Lynette and Rosa.

"Hey, Mariah?"

"Yes?" Was it his imagination, or did he just hear guilt in that answer?

"Did you have an argument with Kai this morning? You're generally the thing that sets him off on one." Mariah sighed heavily.

"Oh, he's like _that_ again, is he? Well, for your information, we didn't have an argument, as such. Just a … heated discussion. Which I won." She smirked wickedly. Ray groaned loudly.

"Hopeless!" he exclaimed, spinning around theatrically and turning to the girls. "Hopeless, aren't they?" Lynette nodded enthusiastically, giggling, while Rosa looked up inquiringly from her cereal bowl, most of which was plastered over her face.

"Whatd'sa'?" she asked indistinctly.

"Never mind, Rosie. Eat your breakfast." Lynnie told her younger sister pompously. Ray stifled a grin and heard Mariah giggle softly to herself. Sitting down, he reached for the cereal.

"Ray, you did remember about Parent's Evening tonight, didn't you?" Utter silence. "Clearly not - _watch the cereal!_" Ray came back to reality just in time to prevent an avalanche of cereal all over the floor. Rosa studied the cereal-covered table with interest. Reaching out, she tentatively poked a piece, then shrugged and popped it into her mouth.

"Rosie, don't do that!" everyone in the kitchen chorused sternly. Meekly, Rosa took the piece of half-chewed cereal out of her mouth and replaced it carefully on the table, taking the opportunity, Ray saw, to kick Lynette under the table. Lynette and Mariah shuddered in unison. Ray couldn't stop a grin spreading across his face, but made an effort to stop it. His youngest needed no encouragement to behave badly.

"Put that in the bin, Rosie." he ordered.

"But _Daddy_…"

"Don't backchat your daddy! Bin! Now!" Mariah demanded. Sulkily, the little girl hopped down from the table and over to the bin. Faintly, at the very edge of his hearing, Ray heard Lynette snicker. Unfortunately, Rosa had heard it too, and flung herself at her sister with a plaintive wail of "Lynnie was _laughing _at me!"

Ray picked up his suitcase and headed for the door. _Come on,_ he encouraged himself, _almost there … _A hand grasped his wrist.

"Where are you going, _darling_?" Mariah asked sweetly. Ray swore mentally. "Parent's Evening. Tonight. You're going."

"Why can't you go?" Ray asked, trying his best to sound reasonable. "I've got a hell of a lot to do at work today."

"Aw, poor you." his wife said flatly. "The girls aren't allowed to come, and there's no way I'm leaving them with Kai, not when he's like he is today."

"Oh come on Mariah, you know he would never do anything to the girls." Ray pleaded.

"It's not what he might _do_, it's what he might _say_." Mariah snapped. "And don't beg; you sound like the girls." Ray sighed, knowing when he was beaten.

"Fine, I'll go." Mariah beamed at him. Stretching up on tiptoes, she kissed him softly.

"I'll make it up to you." she promised. Ray raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"Good." Grinning, he threw a key ring up in the air and caught it easily. "I have a _car_."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Ray shrugged.

"It's my _first_ car." he gloated.

"Very nice, Ray. Don't crash it." came the patient reply. Kissing Mariah swiftly, he headed out the door.

Nine hours later - and two near-crashes - Ray pulled up outside the school.

"Where am I going again?" he asked himself. Spotting a large group of adults all going the same way, he followed them inside.

Looking around and checking the slip of paper in his hand, he eventually located Lynette's teacher. Self-consciously, he straightened the creases in his suit. Walking over, he waited patiently until she was finished with the parents in front of him, then slid into the seat.

"Mr Kon?"

"Yes. My apologies, my wife couldn't make it tonight." The women's face changed. "Is that a problem?" he inquired, an uneasy feeling making itself known in his stomach.

"Well, there was something that I did wish to discuss with both of you…"

"I could phone her, if you really feel it's necessary that she should be here." _Please, please… _There was a long pause.

"If it wouldn't cause you or your wife any problems…" _Yes! _Ray crowed inwardly.

"No, it's fine. I'll be back in a second…" He stood and moved a little distance away, pulling out his mobile phone.

"Hello? Mariah Kon speaking."

"Mariah, they want both of us up at the school." Ray said casually.

"Why?" Mariah's reply was almost instant. Ray coloured rapidly as he realised that he had been so pleased about Mariah having to join him that he had forgotten to ask exactly what she needed to be there for.

"She didn't say." he said evasively.

"Which teacher?"

"Lynette's." He could hear Mariah muttering Guasiox curses under her breath.

"Will I have to do much talking?"

"Don't worry, I'll explain that you're not all that fluent in Mandarin."

"Thanks… So, I have to leave the girls with Kai?"

"Sorry." Mariah heaved a huge sigh.

"If I have to. I'll be there as soon as I can." The phone went dead. Ray sat back down.

"She shouldn't be long." he assured the teacher. "She's not from this area, and she finds it difficult to speak Mandarin at times, so could you just bear that in mind?"

"Of course, Mr Kon." Ray nodded his thanks and sat back.

Getting up, he quickly went over to where Mariah was standing in the doorway, looking decidedly lost. Her face lit up when she saw him, and they embraced tightly.

"You look nice." he murmured, casting an approving eye over her low-cut black top and long, flowing white skirt. She smiled.

"Believe it or not, Kai approved too." Ray blinked in surprise and was about to say something when he noticed that there were now two teachers where there had been one.

"What's going on?" he muttered under his breath. Mariah looked frightened for a second, and then composed herself. Giving her hand a reassuring squeeze, Ray slid into his seat.

"Good evening, Mr and Mrs Kon." The newcomer pulled up a chair and sat opposite them, next to the other teacher.

"You're Rosa's teacher, aren't you?" Mariah asked suddenly. The women nodded in affirmation.

"That's me. My colleague and I will give you the reports on your daughters, and then we do have something serious that we need to discuss." Ray slid an arm around Mariah, who had gone deathly pale. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who had noticed. "Please don't worry, Mrs Kon. I'm sure we can sort it out easily enough." A flicker of incomprehension crossed Mariah's face, just for a second.

"She said don't worry, it should be easy to sort out." Ray whispered.

"I knew that!" Mariah snapped, her face flooding pink.

"Whatever you say." He kept his arm around her waist while the two teachers talked at them, about how Lynette's maths was coming along brilliantly, and how Rosa was becoming steadily more sociable. However, both girls had a tendency to be rather too outspoken, were they like this at home? Mariah repeated the word that they had used for outspoken slowly, clearly unfamiliar with it.

"Tactless?" one of the teachers offered. Mariah's face cleared.

"Yes, they are sometimes like that at home, but they know it is … bad. I am … unhappy … to hear that they are like this at school." Blushing furiously, she subsided. "That's why I didn't want to come here!" she hissed at Ray, who could only shrug and tighten his grip on her comfortingly. He turned to the teachers, who appeared to be suddenly uncomfortable.

"Now," one of them began, "both of us have noticed that Lynette and Rosa are mentioning a man named Kai quite a lot as living in the house with them. We don't think he is, but is he a relation?" They were staring particularly hard at Mariah, Ray noticed, and felt cold anger spring up in his chest.

"He is an old friend of mine who is recovering from a recent illness." he stated, with the barest hint of hostility.

"How old is he?"

"Twenty-five."

"Is he employed?" Ray began to get a sense of where this was leading, and he didn't like it one bit. He forced himself to be civil.

"No. He has a long-term condition that makes it difficult for him to find a job."

"What is this condition?" Silently, Ray thanked Kenny for giving him a dictionary for his fifteenth birthday.

"It is a chronic bronchial disease that renders him permanently breathless and unable to speak for short periods of time. The disease has been exacerbated by his recent, severe bout of bacterial pneumonia." The teachers fell silent for a few seconds. Mariah shot him a look of complete and utter bewilderment. He whispered the translation to her and saw her sink her teeth into her bottom lip and fight not to laugh.

"Would you class him as seriously ill?" There was a distinct change in tone now, and Ray sighed mentally in relief.

"Not as such, but he definitely isn't altogether healthy." he said with a faint smile. Taking the plunge, he asked in an interested tone; "Why are you asking about Kai?"

"We were concerned for the girls, living in a house with a man who clearly was no relation of yours." Lynette's teacher said.

"But there appears to be no threat from him, and the girls to seem to like him a lot." Rosa's teacher smiled.

"They do." Mariah affirmed. "They just don't like that we argue quite a bit." The atmosphere tensed again. _Way to go_, Mariah, Ray cursed inwardly.

"Why do you argue?" Mariah smiled airily.

"He does not do what he is told! I am not used to that, yes, Ray?" Ray rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. Both teachers laughed, and the last vestiges of awkwardness cleared from the air.

"Very nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Kon. I'm happy we've got that matter cleared up! Now, if you could just work on the girls' tact a little?" Amid assurances and farewells, Ray and Mariah stood and walked out.

The second that Ray closed the car door, Mariah pounced.

"Why did you tell me to come and embarrass myself like I did when it was obvious that you could handle it yourself?" she snarled. Ray shrugged easily.

"Hey, you did well enough. Defused the tension at the end nicely!" He laughed.

"Yeah, and made myself sound like a complete retard in the process!" Mariah sulked. Ray casually slipped a hand under her skirt, then, chuckling at her shriek, started up the car.

"You did fine." he reassured her. Ignoring the resentful mutterings coming from the seat next to him, he drove them home.

"Hey, Ray. How'd it go?" Ray flung himself onto the sofa opposite Kai and pulled Mariah down onto his lap.

"Not bad. They need to learn when to say certain things and when not to, let's put it that way." Kai chuckled. "Oh, they also mentioned you, but I managed to convince them that you were a suitable living companion for the girls." Remembering what he had said, Ray started laughing uncontrollably, leaving Mariah to explain. Ten seconds later, Kai and Mariah joined him in laughing.

"I can't believe you said that…" Kai shook his head a few times, clearly taken aback.

"Well, I couldn't let them sit there and come to all sorts of horrible conclusions about my best friend, could I?" Ray said lightly. Kai looked up at the words "best friend", his expression shocked. Ray sighed; was Kai's self-esteem _always_ going to be this low? "Yes Kai, believe it or not, you _do_ still qualify for best friend status."

"That and if they'd discovered about your real condition, we'd have all been in a hell of a lot of trouble." Mariah put in. Ray shuddered at the thought. Looking across at Kai, he noticed the peculiar glassy look in those violet eyes that meant Kai was off in his own world.

"You okay, Kai? What's up?" he asked softly.

--------------------

Kai blinked a few times and looked back at Ray.

"Just thinking." he replied quietly.

"Call the newspapers." he heard Mariah mutter under her breath. Involuntarily, he winced.

"Or don't." he said calmly. Mariah had the grace to colour slightly. With a soft, slightly rattling exhalation, Kai stood up.

"Where are you going?" Ray asked, a little more sharply than was perhaps necessary. Feeling a rare flash of real temper against the Chinese ex-blader, Kai turned and transfixed him with a hot, blazing glare. He noted with satisfaction how Ray tried to hold it but failed humiliatingly. _Good to know I've still got it_. he thought with more than a hint of pride. Then he snapped back into reality again and realised that he was simply being nasty.

"Sorry." both men muttered in unison. Ray gave Kai an uncertain smile, which Kai returned after only a moment's hesitation.

"I don't like everything I do being under scrutiny, that's all." Ray ducked his head in contrite understanding.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay, though?" he asked, his golden eyes anxious. Rolling his eyes, Kai walked over and ran a hand lightly over Ray's head.

"I'm _fine_." he said emphatically. "I just want to be by myself, okay?" His hand dropped to Ray's shoulder and he gave it a tight squeeze. Ray's face relaxed at last.

"Okay." He grinned suddenly and mock-punched Kai on the shoulder. "Shoo." Kai smirked.

"Just because you and Mariah want some time … _together_." He put particular emphasis on the ending word.

"And what's wrong with that?" Mariah demanded, her face pink. Kai raised an eyebrow and turned away.

"Nothing, Mariah. You should be glad that we all want the same thing."

"And what's that?" Mariah demanded.

"Me out the room." With that, Kai walked out.

Halfway up the stairs, his mischievous mood disappeared, replaced by an altogether more pensive one. He knew exactly why the teachers had dropped the matter instantly after hearing Ray's little speech. It was just common sense, really. Nothing ended a conversation like the mention of illness. Nothing gave the picture of vulnerability more than a description of someone who had been sick for a long time. His hand went to his necklace and stroked it almost absentmindedly.

He just wished that Ray hadn't found it necessary to play on that particular part of him. With a sigh, he headed for his room. He hated days like these. Days when he was angry at Ray, at Mariah, at himself, at the world. Days when all he could do was snarl and swear at people and lock himself in his room to stop himself saying or doing something that he knew he would regret. Like that awful time that he had tripped over one of the girls' Play Station controls…

_One foot caught on the taut black cord stretched between PlayStation and sofa, and Kai went sprawling forwards, gashing the side of his head on the cupboard as he fell. Everything momentarily numb with shock, he lay motionless, listening to the girls' uncertain titters. Slowly, anger rose in him, like a monster emerging slowly from the depths._

_"Kai! What happened? Are you okay?" Mariah asked, her voice shrill with worry. _

_"No I'm not okay, what does it _look_ like, you stupid cunt?" Kai spat, pressing both hands to the burning gash, feeling warm blood trickle over his fingers. He heard Mariah draw a breath sharply._

_"Don't you _dare_ talk to me like that in front of the girls!" she hissed. Beside himself with pain and fury, Kai lurched to his feet, one eye squeezed shut against the slow but steady flow of blood.._

_"I'll talk to you however I damn well like, bitch! And I don't care about the girls right now, I care about my fucking _head_!"_

He winced at the memory. Ray, angrier than Kai had ever see him, had made Kai apologise to him, Mariah, and the girls sincerely and without swearing before he took him to get stitched up, or even let him clean himself up. He fingered the scar just above his eyebrow. Yes; uncontrollable rage had proved a problem. He had always, ever since he could remember, had a vicious temper, but previously he had been able to save it for appropriate times, such as beybattles. Blind rage had been the only that had saved him in his match against Brooklyn. However, now, he no longer had the iron-self-control necessary to keep his anger at bay, and every so often it would spew out at anything and everything that crossed his path.

Of course, he knew what to do to stop it.

Take the lithium. He shuddered at the thought. Those idiots at the hospital had decided to start him on it while he was too weak to resist; he had stopped it the second that he came round enough to realise what he was taking. Lithium was for manic-depressives, people who were constantly high or low, with no in-between. It provided them with an in-between. But he wasn't _like_ that, as he had explained persuasively to a sceptical Ray and Mariah. He only had the occasional day of consuming rage, generally followed by a deep depression during which he would berate himself for the things that he had said while he was angry.

Horrible though those experiences were, he had no desire to sacrifice his emotions just to stop them. Because that was what lithium did; it vaporised any kind of emotion. Happiness, sadness, anger, affection, everything disappeared into a morass of nothingness. He became robot-like, going through the motions with nothing intelligent going on inside.

Was the odd day of being locked in his room worth being a robot for the rest of his life? Not a chance.

"I've got a life, I'm not letting it slip by like that!" he muttered defiantly. A hand descended on his shoulder. He jumped slightly and unconsciously flattened his back against the wall.

"Kai? You okay?" He nodded automatically. "You look twitchy."

"Thanks." Kai muttered. Ray raised his eyebrow speculatively.

"Need anything?" he inquired. His hair was in disarray, his manner somewhat excited. Kai shrugged, curling the corner of one lip into a smirk.

"You look like you got what you needed." he commented. Ray flushed.

"Shut up." he replied amiably. "Seriously, you look really jittery. You did take your paranoia stuff, didn't you?"

"Yes. I was just giving myself a mental beating." He smiled ruefully. "Remember that time I tripped over the girls' PlayStation?" Ray winced, much as Kai himself had done earlier.

"Not your finest moment." he admitted. "I had to do some very fast talking to stop Mariah from literally trying to claw your eyes out. Which was pretty tricky, considering-"

"Considering that if it hadn't been me, you would have let her do it and probably taken pictures to show to future people who dared swear around your beloved daughters?" Kai suggested.

"More like knocked them unconscious." Ray said smoothly. Kai snorted.

"I'd like to see you try!" he challenged. Just as Ray opened his mouth to retort, Kai doubled over in a jaw-cracking yawn. Ray grinned and whacked him lightly round the head.

"I _would_ show off my prowess in martial arts, but you're in no condition to appreciate my brilliance." Kai tried to snort mid-yawn and ended up coughing instead. Leaning the wall, he put a hand to his mouth, the ferocity of the coughing fit making him feel sick. Waving away Ray's suddenly concerned offer of help, he walked only a little unsteadily to his bedroom.

"Girls! Mariah! Kai! Family TV night tonight!"

"I count as family?"

"You know you do, Kai, so shut up, would you?"

"Now, that wouldn't be nearly as fun."

"I don't exist purely for your amusement, Kai." Ray shot back, grinning widely.

"Really? And here was me thinking that the world was mine to manipulate…"

"Boys! Stop squabbling and let's watch the video before the girls get cranky!" Mariah ordered.

"Yes, Mariah…" both men chorused meekly, sniggering under their breath.

After much fiddling around with the television, Ray slotted the unlabelled video in and sat down next to Kai.

"Who's got the remote - _Rosie-don't-put-it-in-your-mouth_!" Pouting, the little girl took the TV remote out of her mouth and regarded it thoughtfully. After a few seconds thought, she wiped it on her trouser leg and handed it to her father, who took it gingerly. "Sit down, everyone." Everyone sat. Ray pressed the play button.

"Who gave you this, anyway?" Mariah asked after a minute of watching trailers and privacy warnings.

"Kenny." Ray said quietly. Alarm blazed through Kai in an icy wave and he tried to scramble to his feet only to find himself firmly held down by his ex-lover. "Stay where you are, Kai." Kai shook his head wildly.

"No way, I'm not watching anything to do with that ever again, I won't and you can't make me-" he babbled. Sticky fingers prodded his leg and he looked down, momentarily distracted.

"Kai's scared?" Rosa asked inquisitively, her huge golden eyes innocent. A spark of defiance flared up inside the panic-stricken wasteland of Kai's mind, and he slowly sat back down.

"I'm not _scared_, Rose. Just … uneasy."

"Good!" Lynette grinned widely. "I wanna watch a video with you!" With that, she took a flying leap and landed squarely on Kai's lap. Trapped, Kai could only clench his fists and grit his teeth as the voice of A.J Topper came out of the speakers and hit him with all the force of a hammer blow.

"Just keep watching, Kai." Ray's voice was steady, the hand placed gently over his calming, but it held an undercurrent of glee that made Kai wonder. Finally, the words began to filter through his blind dread. Kai blinked once, twice, bemused. This wasn't what he expected … what he now considered the only main event of his beyblading career. He watched himself take to the dish in a kind of dazed bewilderment.

"What … why … Ray?" he stuttered. Golden eyes glittering, Ray grinned and passed his fingers affectionately through Kai's hair.

"Thank Kenny and Dizzi for this. It's every single battle that you ever won." Kai tensed.

"Even…" He trailed off, red creeping over his face. Ray nodded.

"Even that one. But you don't have to watch it if you don't want to."

Kai was no longer listening. In fact, he wasn't even really in the room. Mentally, he was fifteen years old again, cocky and arrogant and coming up to the dish with the barest hint of a swagger. Joy flooded through him at the familiar sounds of beyblades crashing against each other. Power surged in his chest; and he whispered the name along with his younger self.

"Dranzer…" The magnificent phoenix rose out of his beyblade with a wild shriek. Scarlet feathers flew everywhere in an unashamed display of power. Shoving Lynette off his lap, Kai crawled blindly towards the television screen and touched the image of his bit-beast with trembling fingers. "Dranzer…" he repeated brokenly. Tears welled in his eyes, and suddenly he was weeping, sobbing and gasping as he let out years of grief in one, intense show of emotion. The patter of feet sounded faintly in his ears - they weren't important, only what was on the screen was important now - and two small fragile bodies pressed against his, their soft cheeks touching his damp ones. He tightened his grip on them as he cried. _Dranzer … _

Eventually, he recovered enough to move backwards slightly and watch with some vague degree of detachment. Halfway through, Ray paused the video and ordered a ten-minute interval. Resisting the urge to whine like Lynette and Rosa, Kai stood and walked into the kitchen, scrubbing at his still-damp eyes with the back of his hand.

Leaning on the kitchen counter and breathing slowly, deeply, he only registered Ray's presence when said man put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"I did the right thing, didn't I?" Ray whispered anxiously, his breath tickling Kai's ear. "You're not mad at me?" Kai shook his head wordlessly.

"Mad? How could I be mad at you?" he managed at last. Some small part of his mind was registering that he was embarrassing himself, but it was only a very, very small part. "Thank you, Ray. Thank you so, so much." He broke off, hearing an ominous crack in his voice, and simply gave the younger man a watery smile. Ray returned it, his own eyes suspiciously shiny.

"There's a reason I stopped it there." he said quietly. "It's-" Kai put a hand gently over his mouth.

"I want to watch it." he informed Ray matter-of-factly. He smiled again. "Maybe it'll show Mariah what I mean when I say that there are advantages to my temper." He pulled away from the embrace. "I'll be there in a second, okay. There's something I need to do." Ray nodded.

_--------------------_

_"I'm serious, Kai! I want to battle you!" _Tyson's yell echoed throughout the silent stadium, the whole crowd on tenterhooks as they stared at the clearly injured blader.

"Typical of him, really." Kai said suddenly, a smirk curving his lips. "I've just been completely beaten up, and he's still concerned about his next match!"

"Now, Kai, that's a bit unfair-"

"I was _joking_, Mariah. Do you understand that word?"

"Personally, I'm amazed that you do!"

"I understand a lot of - what the hell's this?" The screen had gone blank except for brightly coloured quotations. Kai read one out loud.

"I've never been so scared in my life! Kai, you're an idiot, but you're the best beyblader I've ever seen - Tyson, that does include you as well - why you little-" Both Kai and Ray were laughing by the end.

"Hilary, you're one of a kind." Ray chuckled.

"I certainly hope so, anyway." Kai muttered dryly. He continued scanning the screen. "Ha, listen to this; "Kai, you're a complete nutcase, and I bet I could beat you with both hands tied behind my back!" Three guesses."

"Daichi," Ray and Mariah said in unison. Kai nodded, a wide grin on his face.

"Dumb kid. Hey look, there's Tyson's!" he exclaimed. Everyone leaned forward and read the words Kai was pointing out.

_"You're amazing, Kai. You really are, and I'm really proud that I had the honour of being taught by such a brill blader. Thank you so much." _

"Look, there's an extra bit!" Mariah pointed.

_"But I'm still gonna beat you next time we battle!"_

"You can _try_!" Kai scoffed, laughing. The next ten minutes were spent picking out other quotations; from Max to Tala to Julia, Kenny had thought of everyone. And yet, there was one person missing.

Just the one.

Kai squeezed Ray's hand and a silent memory flew between them.

Ray had been the one who found him after that battle, broken and exhausted, and had helped him to his changing room where he had stubbornly carried on watching what was going on in the stadium. Ray hadn't trusted himself enough to speak to anyone without revealing things about Kai's condition that Kai would have killed him for. He had known that international coverage of what Kai saw as weakness was the last thing he would want. So he had made himself scarce; hence the last piece of script on the screen.

_"Ray Kon was unavailable for comment."_

Kai looked at Ray, and the two of them grinned at each other. Ray shifted his position.

"Just like you wanted it, hey, Kai?" he joked. Kai said nothing. Slowly, he looked around the room. Mariah was curled up on the other side of Ray, fighting back a yawn. Lynette and Rose, deprived of their usual seats on their parents, were back to using Kai's legs as useful and rather cuddly substitutes. Eight golden eyes gazed at him with sleepy affection.

He sighed and lay back, watching the credits flash past on the screen.

"Yeah. Just like I wanted it." he replied in a satisfied whisper.

Pushed down to the furthest depths of the bin lay the splintered, ruined remains of what had once been an unusually sharp toothbrush.

--------------------

You have no idea how proud of myself I am! Finished! At last!

I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who's reviewed this! Luv you all! (hugs times a zilllion) And to everyone who pointed out my many mistakes, haha, you missed one! Only I know of it! (laughs manically) Yes, I am hyper! It's an hour past my bedtime and I have a headache, but I'm still here!

Please, please review, and thank you again!

Goodbye!

Iluvbeyblade

xxx


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